New therapist, she's really great, hopefully she can help me through my weird brain things
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Crap classes are awfully exhausting, like i could work as much from home and still have spoons to make a meal or shower, but having to get to and be in a classroom for 4h straight always kills me
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Wish my support system was available but they're either dealing with my suicidale sister and/or their own suffering, so guess i'll try to dissociate through everything until it goes away or smt
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Oof end of my rope for no gd reason, like as long as i'm distracted i'm all peppy, but if i have a seconde alone w my thoughts i hate everything, myself too. Wtf mood, i was ok until a few hours ago?!
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Holy crap i hate my job, it literally sucks all life out of me, should have expected a bad day after the strike of good ones this week has been! Hoping for good sleep for me and for all you pandas!
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Such a wonderful week off! Spent the first 3 days deep cleaning my room, can't believe i was able to live in this cluttered mess before! Idk where the motivation for this came from but i'm so grateful

for it because i start online classes next semester and a half-*ssed clean would NOT have cut it and would probs have worsen my depressive episodes. Cooked 2 banana breads and 4 cans of apple-sauce yesterday and napped to recuperate

26 Oct 2019

from my cleaning marathon. Napped today too while relaxing on my computer. I'll try to go see my grand-ma this weekend to can my HUGE garden beets i harvested 2 weeks ago. This was such an amazing week!!!

26 Oct 2019
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Exhausted, exams did not go well, sis had like 3 breakdowns in a day, mom's abt to burn out, idek what i'm feeling cause i just dissociate through everyone's pain, my own included. ***ty day

Also the chest pains are back. They stopped while my heart was in over-drive bc of pre-exam anxiety, and now that the adrenaline's gone it's hurting so freaking much!

19 Oct 2019
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Very stressed abt mid terms, atticipating 6h of exam tomorrow, but brain can't absorb any more info, so trying to distract myself in the mean time, with caring for my snakes, but it's not rly working

You gone be ok.

18 Oct 2019

Good luck to you Lokinas...xxx You'll do great! We are all rooting for you!!

18 Oct 2019

Best of luck with your midterms!

18 Oct 2019

Y'all are so kind, thank you for the support, reading your comments made me smile!

19 Oct 2019
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Just had a mental breakdown, i can't thank my fam enough for being there for me through it, like they'll help me stay alive if i don't feel like i can do it, just residual crying to be done now
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Really want to do something (clean my room, search for universities, study for midterms) but don't have spoons for anything. Very frustrating, but if i force myself i'll end up worse than now.
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Had a good weekend with my mom, a lot of peaceful constructive convo, worked a few hours, cleamed all the snakes' enclosures, really tired and empty now, kindda stressed abt exams coming up this week
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Neutral day, did some homework and napped, nothing espescially positive or negative. Just moving with the tides I guess...
Adrian W
  NEW

Homework is positive. Good job. Even if you only did one thing, well done for that one.

10 Oct 2019
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Actually screw that 5, today was a big 4, i really need to see a therapist
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Ok day, but so i'm tired of school that i'm really concidering dropping out and working instead cause i feel like i'm learning nothing substancial and wasting a lot if time.

Like i'm so done with this life that i'm really feeling like dropping everything and moving to another country. This is crazy but like it seems like the only option that doesn't end in sui from depression and apathy, idk does that make any sense?

09 Oct 2019

A lot of demotivation from being unable to achieve the expectation set for me i think, which is why i'm looking into life paths that may feel more rewarding than the bs i'm doing now.

09 Oct 2019

But i'm also terrified of breaking from the set path my parents expect of me because they are my only source of financial, mental and medical support which i literally can't lose if i don't want to be on the streets,

09 Oct 2019

And i know it's the anxiety making scenarios up but i'm still so ***ing scared! And that's not even conscidering the disapointement they'll feel from me not even getting a uni degree when their convinced i could get a doctorate.

09 Oct 2019

It's just a **lot** on my mind for the past few days and it's really hard to keep up with school and assignements with these thoughts circling in my brain

09 Oct 2019
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Feeling kinda ***ty cause i'm not sleeping well but idk how to fix it, so even if i've slept +10 hours in 2 naps i'm still tired and sad and grumpy and i really dislike this!
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School for 5 hours = melted beain + migraine, but i'm still in an ok/good mood so i'll take that as a win Good night pandas!!
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Went to class and had a quiz, then napped for a few hours. Not super productive but still feeling good, so i'm happy with today!
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Exhausted but so happy with day. Did homework, classwork, played minecraft, cooked a big meal. Noticing that coking/baking takes physical energy but it calms me and is super good for self-care for me!
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Spoonless. Went into work for a bit, then bought rats for my snakes and cleaned all their terrarium. Napped but it didn't help. Restless and fidgety. Can't relax.
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Nice protest today, but the amout of ppl was exhausting
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