Going to make a recovery milestone tomorrow. Wisdom teeth extraction with no painkillers. Scared and nervous with the potential to be proud of myself
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My newest harmful coping skill is injecting various liquids into random spots on my harm. (Usually done in the complete dark) This is how I got nerve damage the first time.... do I not learn??

:( Don't do that!! I used to pinch my arms or claw at them when I felt that I had done wrong, then I realized that all i was doing was hurting myself even more. Maybe try something that you can express yourself with that doesn't hurt you.

23 Nov 2020

I would offer examples, but the only coping skill I've formed that is relatively productive is poetry. But it isn't for everyone...

23 Nov 2020
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I feel like my addiction identity and recovery identity are fighting and its going to end in a horrible relapse that will be worst than the last which resulted in nerve damage... so fun
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I ate a 100 calories today and really uncomfortable and ruminating about it. I thrive at 700 calories daily but I know that's no healthy.

Awareness is there. Next comes action, doing what you know to do to take care of the life you've been given.

18 Aug 2020
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I've been really struggling with body image to the point where my restrictive eating disorder is becoming overly present again.
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I just recently achieved 60 days on my relapse that caused my nerve damage. I still kinda want to relapse again.

Well done on 60 days! Hang in there!

03 Aug 2020
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My mind is constantly filled with thoughts about calories and weight. Its truly overwhelming. I need a break....
L S
  NEW

I'm so sorry, I would just remember to not count calories, make sure you exercise(you will never regret it in the end), and have fun cheat days :) you can do this! but you're beautiful no matter what <3

13 Jul 2020
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My first sober and clean birthday! Was really hestitant about it but on the bright side i wont be waking up in the hospital and will actually remember this birthday
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I have a work presentation to do tomorrow. Im thinking of relapsing as a means of getting out of it
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I cant eat anything but a bagel for breakfast. Tried to have a muffin and i became a drama queen. But i ate the bagel and im all good
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Had an appointment with a new doctor today. The first thing the doctor asked me was ' do you play with tigers?, that would explain the scars'. I am a crying emotional mess right now
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3 months clean from cutting! Im happy but its hard to truly celebrate this anniversary since 8 days ago i relapsed in injecting alcohol. But im trying

I myself haven't been cutting for a few months and not been drinking for a little over a week. Relapsed once with cutting. It will happen every once in a while. Both are coping strategies (unhealthy as they may be), so it's hard to let go

10 Jun 2020

and completely rewire one's brain. You've probably been doing it for years, just like me. So yeah, we'll make mistakes every now and then, but that's human. The important part is to keep going.

10 Jun 2020
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I wrote goodbye letters to cutting, alcohol and needles today. I feel relieved since i wrote down things i have never said in person but it was a very emotional experience. I cried

that sounds good. hope you keep going like this

08 Jun 2020
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I realized how crazy i have been. Ever since i have caused nerve damage in my hand from a relapse, ive wanted to aim for an artery to increase the chance of amputation. It hurts A LOT!
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Despite the fact that i hit a nerve yesterday, i still want to relapse again. Yesterday i swore to myself i was done but wow im such an addict and diagusted with myself

I know it's hard. Try to have some compassion for yourself. Addiction can control us but you are making progress each moment you don't use. Stay strong.

02 Jun 2020

as metron wrote. be kind to yourself, we all failed at one point or another. and more than once.

02 Jun 2020
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Relapsed twice this week. Pretty sure i have nerve damage in my hand and absolutely terrified to tell my sponsor

I ***ed everything up

01 Jun 2020

just tell them. sponsor are supposed to be understanding. probably the same happened to them in the past.

01 Jun 2020
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I want to relapse on everything so badly. I was just told what supper is abd im terrified... so many calories
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I feel like the quarantine is severely testing my eating disorder. I usually do not eat at home. Ive lost 5 pounds so far. Im scared. Have had lots of crying and big emotions over this.
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Ate just over a thousand calories and i smiled. I SMILED!! Usually, i hate myself, purge, or go workout but i SMILED.
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Relapsed big time. I cut and used. Happy but also hating myself. I have craved this for 3 months. But was it worth it?

What do you mean cut and used ???

09 Mar 2020

I relapsed in self harm and drug use

10 Mar 2020

Bless you hope your ok now and getting back on track

10 Mar 2020

be kind to yourself. we can't always be strong.

10 Mar 2020
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