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I dont know what to do, so I'm going to do nothing. I still loving my ex, but I'm not sure if he has new relationships. Seems that there's no place in his life for me.
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The last 48 hours i slept only for 6. Im sleepy and feeling strange. Thinking about past, and cant stop blaming myself for all destructions. My tremor back, and it doesn't feel well
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Feeling unhappy I'm doing same things but expect another results I'm dreaming about certain things, but doing everything for goals, that aren't even mine

Someone called it 'golden cage' but it's not like this, it's like moral or physical prison.

09 Aug 2020

I cant let myself doing what i really want or need, cause i caring abot feelings of my family. I always expect their negative feedback. And i really appreciate what have they done for me, so i can't *** up theirs expectations.

09 Aug 2020
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what mistake?

06 Aug 2020

We all make mistakes from time to time

06 Aug 2020
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My ex visited me today. We walked a little. We've been together through everything, and broke up year ago. I need him so much, cause he's the only person who knows me for real .

We have something like special connection, cause only together we both feel as good as home. But the saddest thing, that we are apart. There's no any reason for it, except fear of changing. We both care about each other more, than about ourselves.

03 Aug 2020

And i know for sure, that he is the only person, which I'll love that much for the rest of my life. I met different guys , was trying to find somebody else, but the truth is that there's no one else like him. He is not perfect, but he's just mine

03 Aug 2020
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20 km of skateboarding. I want to sleep and my legs tired. Spent this day with guy from tinder, and understood that I'm not ready to look at anyone not only as a friend.
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Noticed that I'm feeling better when I'm drawing. But becoming really angry and sad when im trying to design logo or something. Cause i dont like the result no matter how hard i try.

Hi! I paint, and I can't say I can paint because I've only been doing it for two years. I used to write before that, and I do understand creative struggle. I can't enjoy it unless I tell myself the result doesn't really matter. But it doesn't!

30 Jul 2020

Even if it does for work

31 Jul 2020

It takes a lot of practice but you will get better at it the more you try 😊

31 Jul 2020

Thank you guys, i really appreciate your support , hugs 💓

01 Aug 2020
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I dont like drinking alcohol at all. Usually im not drinking except holidays, but even then i drink a little. Right now i have a great wish to drink bottle of whiskey , and just switch off my brain

I was drinking this december, for 5 days, not much. Just a little at the morning, cause i felt really bad. Now i feel that i need to skake off everything that's on my mind

30 Jul 2020

Shake off *

30 Jul 2020

🤗

30 Jul 2020
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My best friend told me that love— is caring about another person and helping with development. I agree with it. And then he told me to love myself more. So I'm gonna do this
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Last summer I have challenged myself and said 'yes' for every opportunity and it changed my life , made it better. So, now i thinking about the same thing till the end of this summer. Why not ?
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Sometimes it seems that im fine. But everytime when I feel down, i think that there is no reason for me to keep holding this live. I got nothing, and all my hopes just not gonna happen

Something killing me inside. In one moment i can be fine, one hour later i can sitting and wishing to disappear. My family loves me, but they pushing me down .

20 Jul 2020

It is temporarily .these thoughts are not forever. Hope pass soon,be strong,don't give up.🤝

20 Jul 2020
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I don't know how to stop it. Everytime when i feel really down, i just have visualisation how i can hurm my self . Just stare at my arm, and imagine bleeding scars . Its too dark im sorry.
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In moments like this i just going out of my mind. Hate this stuff, when my family manipulating me as they wish
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