sorry for being so doom and gloom lately :/ it's a bit frustrating cause i think i was doing pretty well before . makes my head hurt
no worries, its an hard time, you're not alone.
thank you sophie <3
i'm agnostic , but a part of me does believe there is some reasoning behind life and existence . i just don't think i was meant to be here , and i mean that genuinely . i don't think i can go through the motions of the rest of my life .
when they're gone i won't have anything to live for . “ for myself “ isn't good enough of a reason for me . i'm already burnt out . i have been for half of my life . i just don't see me having a future past them .
to be completely honest , i'm only holding out right now for my mother . if i didn't have her i don't know where i'd be . probably nowhere . i hate even thinking about it . i'm grieving her and she's not even dead .
u know what, past year was awful. i basically lost everything i worked and cared for. and the meaning of word 'temporary' hit me hard. i do believe theres supernatural, we are more than flesh but we have no tools to measure it is why ppl laugh it off
'for yourself' is what they tell u to stay sober for alcoholics. it was the hardest part to believe in. i could stay sober for my man, for family, for myself id only drink. but after years i can tell you, for yourself - its true. and for yourself we
also gotta find the meaning in all this. cause after all when we go, we all leave this world alone.
really want my laptop so i can start some projects i've been planning
I hope you will be able to work on your projects soon :)
thanks anna !! me too :)
You're not worthless, Nat. I hope a better mood finds you soon ❤️
thank you jen
i think it can be attributed to rejection sensitive dysphoria . aa it sucks . i can't enjoy what i make or do for what it is , i always need approval .
Don´t worry, write as often as you wish :)
basically my mom scheduled someone to inspect our house and didn't tell me , the man that came wasn't wearing a uniform , and when i didn't answer the door ( i was home alone ) he started going to the windows and back doors . i even called my dad and
asked if people were supposed to be at our house and he said no and to call the police . i locked myself in the bathroom and called 911 and the cops came . it took them a bit to figure out who he was , but everyone left pretty much immediately after
thank god he didn't get hurt . i just saw a six foot white man i didn't know in all black messing with my windows and doors and thought the worst . he was actually very kind afterwards as well :(
whenever i recounted this experience it was in a humorous tone , but the truth is i thought i was about to die . i remember as soon as everyone left i just sat on my knees and sobbed . now every noise i hear at night i feel that again
knowing this makes it easier for me to calm down . still need to find more techniques to do it quicker , because it's a bit more intense than what i'm used to . still learning
really grateful i have this app so i can just write this down . there's no other place i can really get it out ( till i find a new therapist at least )
Good to hear. You had some concerns around that.
Go to bed at 21:43. Set an alarm for 21:13 and have 30 minutes winding down without food, screens, or bright lights. John T challenge
i'll try it !!
following weeks . hope you're all well !!
it always manages to ruin my mood :(
I try and read jokes on my interests (mainly on fb). Once I outjoke them, they usually shut up ;)
I admire your awareness. You're aware of your state, your triggers... & you own it.
aw thank you love :) and ty lili !
You got this!
thank you daniel :) !!