Hope u get better soon x and your right things do have to change and it will be tough but in the long run I think the new job will help u a lot.
Try and pretend that it will be a great job with amazing sociable colleagues so that way when u do get it u will go in feeling positive and not expect the worst. I know it's bad to pretend stuff that aren't real but it might feel good in the moment
And sorta help de-stress u. I know what I said sounds like sh*t but Yh if u try it let me know x
Accidentally hugged myself, okay.
can't think straight or write when i'm like this, sorry for the mess.
No don't be sorry it's not ur fault and it's also not a mess. U will be able to write soon don't worry and don't give up. Tell that voice in ur head that's saying ur ugly to shut up. Keep on trying we're all here to support u. One step at a time.
Z, thank you for your support, it means a lot
and for all your hugs too, thank you
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I don't know how I got to this point and I don't have any hope left in me.
Everyone has someone they can go after work. Especially on Friday. Sat at the empty office till 8pm and cried.
The history repeats itself, I have trouble making new friends and keeping them when I got some. Something's deeply wrong with me.
It's alright friends come and go not all of them stick around forever. It can be their fault too not just urs because they don't understand how ur life is and what u go through every day.
How abt u ask one of ur colleagues then on a Friday after work what their plans are and ask if they would mind if u join them or go out and socialise a bit more maybe at a coffee shop or something.
Stay positive. Hopefully u won't get covid again 🤞. Have some faith in urself. Ur an amazing person I'm sure everyone would love to be ur friend and u just need to open up more in front of ur work mates so they can realise that.
I don't have any workmates left, everyone I knew and spent time with were laid off during pandemic year, and now I have so much work that I fail people around and they hate me.Also the company f*caked up and I will be working for free for at least a
didn't correct all the typos because this app is definitely haven't been seen by ux designer
Yeah, well, maybe I will die soon with all these bad results with medical tests, so there will be one problem less in the world.
Thats sad but u can still go out with them even if they're not ur colleagues anymore or make new friends instead of sticking with the old ones. It will give u a chance to get a fresh start and u might feel better.
Who knows ur job might get better the company have messed up but then again everyone makes mistakes right? Or if u want maybe u can look for another job for temporary or permanent if u want that can give u pay.
:( no please don't say that ur not a problem to the world and I'm sure a lot of people in ur life like ur family or everyone who u are surrounded by does care and wouldn't want u to die. I wouldn't. Hopefully the results will get better eventually by
Medication they can give u. Try to stay positive there is still some hope down there xx
Hope u feel better x try and read some more books to help calm urself
Don't be angry with urself it's not ur fault in any way. Ur so brave that you still made it through the day even though it was so tough for u. It's ok to struggle and to let it out and just cry. I'd say u did amazing and so would many other people!
Hey , never a bad day to start working on your profile. Start putting efforts to find new job. Crying is ok, it will make you feel lighter. Sometimes okqy to get angry on self, now move forward and try not to depend on temp reliefs like smoking..
Zainab, thanks you my friend, you're right, I shouldn't scold myself so much. problem with crying is that if I start, it may never end oh well xx
Take as much time as you need. When you cry it releases endorphins which makes you feel better afterwards. If crying is what will make you feel more calm and better even if it's just for a short time then I would say let ur feelings out.
Holding it in continuously and pushing down the pain just makes it so much harder to deal with and no one deserves to go through that pain. :( eventually it will become too much for u and you might start to smoke whenever u feel stressed
Which in turn will make u feel guilty again as you mentioned before. That cycle will just keep on repeating then and no good will come of it.
S K, hey, i will try not to create this bad habit again, but now i'm too weak to tell myself no :( You totally right about new job! I'll update my CV on the weekend and will publish it when it's time, when I feel i'm 100% ready to move forward. Ty!
Z, you're so right, that's exactly how it works, i guess tomorrow i will let it out because feeling pain and starting cycle of addiction again is not what i need right now :(
How come not today?
i kind of did it like five minutes ago after reading your last post to be honest :( this world is too cruel
Оля,наверно когда мы настраиваем себя позитивнои думаем о хорошем в будущем так все и случается.найдешь работу лучше,появятся новые друзья,все образуется.мы просто накручиваем себя очень сильно.дай себе время.всегда с тобой землячка,удачи!
Oh ok well I hope it made u feel at least a tiny bit better if not fully. Maybe tomorrow might be better hopefully
Z, maybe a little. xx
Ann, да, я всегда накручиваю себя сильно, это моя большая проблема :( буду просить вселенную о новой классной работе, а там всё само придёт дальше. Спасибо!
A little bit of improvement in ur day is still huge in the long run. Just imagine if ur day keeps on getting better by just a little every day that will add up at the end of the year.
Tomorrow u said u might feel a little bit better and compared to maybe a year ago or something every day might've been the same to u. This shows that there's still hope in that 'little bit' stay positive
yeah, it's kind of why i try to write things down sometimes — to compare with present after and to feel hope. damn you're wise, i wish i was that wise when i was younger
Yh that's a rlly good thing to do. lol I wish. I'm the opposite of wise ;-P
so not true :)
evermore is good too, especially the song called champagne problems; i'm so glad she swears now in her music
Yh I like her new songs as well. They're so calm.
Good luck try to do something to get ur mind off it that way u won't stress too much
of work or smoking? smoking is actually good way to get my mind off from work :( i'm trapped!
Of work. I think smoking may help u to take ur mind of from work but then you will just keep on relying on those cigarettes and get addicted. You could get seriously ill so maybe try and find other ways to take ur mind off ir
Like if u like walking or colouring stuff. Maybe watching a tv show u like or a movie. Go out with ur friends or do shopping if u like that
Whatever makes u feel at comfort and ease
+ it's not like ur smoking continuously 24/7 for the whole of today so that means it will only take ur mind of work for a small period of time right? do something that can last long
makes sense. tv-shows are my choice but i can't do that now cause i'll be at the office and there's people who won't like that i'm watching the wire instead of work :( i'll try mini walks, there's a lot of places nearby the building like starbucks
Yh that's good u can get some fresh air then. Who cares what they think. F**k them but I mean if it will be uncomfortable at work if u do that then watch tv shows at home whenever u can in ur spare time to help u relax and cope
that's the only thing i do when i'm at home, that or reading :)
Great then that's rlly good:) reading is amazing I think u should carry on because it might help keep ur thoughts positive and expand ur imagination
What's ur favourite genre?
i like watching/reading the stuff i can relate too, so it's something depressive (but it helps me not to feel alone!) or some sh*t like who killed this girl let's find this serial killer on the loose haha ooor scary stuff, it shuts me off good
Yesssssssss sameeeeeee I love stuff like that too. I'm happy that it helps u . Keep on doing it xx
when i couldn't watch any tv because of my massive headache which i had for weeks and still do but not that intense i read some intense books like carrie (steven king) and rosemary's baby
hell yeah! xx
Yh I understand how u feel. I haven't read those books but I will now I mean if I've read them they must be good :) keep on reading to feel good.
I've heard writing things down abt what u think abt urself can be good too so u can continuously tell urself that ur worth it and start to enjoy the little things in life
i write a little. about how i feel and what i think at the moments of pain. it helps to reread it after because it gives you perspective that you felt like that won't ever end and it eventually did and your thoughts was twisted because you were sick
***, my english is bad
No it's rlly good
I understand what ur saying but when I re-read after what I wrote in those times it just makes me feel like that again in a way. Like Yh I was sick then but I'm still sorta sick in a way. I'm just trying to make it look like I'm happy in front of
Everyone so I can try and feel like I'm happy. Try and feel like I'm okay and pretend that everything's fine but it's not
i pretend at work and it's exhausting, i pretended for years with my parents until the sui-cide thought first came then i just stopped because why bother, i didn't care more and that's when the sh*tstorm with advices like go to church began of cours
but eventually at least dad started to understand that i'm not okay and it's real and it's serious. mum is still blind. but i know you have your struggles with family and it sounds like it worse :(
my first depression was when i was 16 (as my doctor said me recently), and no one ever noticed they just thought that it's like period and it will pass :( hell even i wasn't aware of that, i thought i just broken
period is not like period that girls have, period like a time frame (just in case it lost in translation) sorry
Omg that sounds sooo bad I'm so sorry I went thru that all and the response u got from ur parents first must've rlly hurt. I can relate because that how mine responded as well.
Yh it's understandable u felt so broken and it hurts because if people would've known I mean if u had this app before and if I would've known u I would've told u to reach out as well
yeah, that wasn't helpful at all, but i guess it's painful for parents because they start to think like what you're going through is somehow their fault because they failed somewhere in their parenthood
Yh that's so true. No one does ever notice and it just makes it worse if they say that ur on ur period (mostly boys say that) and it just pisses u off like mate u don't know all the sh**t that happens u don't know the pain.
it's not an excuse for them, not at all, it's just how their brain might work
It's like periods but 1million times worse because u can't stop the feelings and it won't go away.
True I just think sometimes they should stop and think before they say something and try and put themselves in our shoes or cast their mind back to when they were a child and just think like how little words can affect so much or if they're parents
Said those things to them like 'go church' or any other place or pray to god then don't do it to us like surely u should understand then
But Yh overall I'm just sad for u, for me for people out there who have experienced those reactions from parents and I know it's how their brain might work but I guess I'm just feeling upset and angry sorry if my words came across as rude
it's almost 2am *** i think i'll save you from my advices for at least next 10 hours, try that thing with cold water, it saved me some skin untouched (for my future tattoos haha) xx
no it's what i still feel too towards my mother, she still says sh*t like that, she's really stubborn
Ok lol Yh I want future tattoos as well
So is mine :/ :(
Good night have a nice day at work tomorrow x
haha, you'll get to green, i promise!
Congratulations that's a huge accomplishment
well *** :)
heeeey wtf, okay i'll use * i guess
Lol yessss *** it all
hahaha oh god
Oh lol I just realised It didn't even show up I typed it in full form as well
I'm done doing work for several ppl at the same time and getting nothing in return. I'm done brent yelled one by some stupid account
I'm done with not getting a promotion I deserve and being in debt because they fcked up with my pay. My health is number one priority from now on.
Yes it is the most important thing hang in there x
i need to change a lot of it, let go of of this one sided friendship, even though i'll have no one in this city, talk to my boss and maybe leave the job if he won't understand because now it's only making my health much much worse
but i barely making through the day. today i thought about dying and realized i'm not scared of it anymore but i won't do it to myself because my parents won't survive this, especially my dad, the only person in the world who really loves me and care
i'm crying again. when does the pain stop? will it ever stop?
So sorry to read that :(. I hope you will find better treatments.
thank you, Lili
Maladaptive, I know but I literally took drugs and doctor knew that, he did say be careful with that one but hell it was addictive and i was vulnerable. that's some twisted sh*t
and I wish I had an option not to take antidepressants at all but I don't have that option, it's either pills or i'm umm end up dead :(
I hope u don't end up dead :( xx
Why would they burn holes in ur brain? I hope u feel better and maybe there will be good left in the future xx right now it's understandable to think there's nothing good left but I'm sure there is and you maybe with help can realise that u shouldn't
Die anyways... I think loads of people would care. I would for u xx
I have a friend from uk who always jokes that lobotomy is his last chance, he did ECT for a while and it was scary but eventually he got better
Zainab, thank you, it means a lot to me <3
Yh that is scary I'm glad he's better :)
Oh ok that makes sense
i'm pretty sure it's all from taking all those antidepressants on and off for 7 years, i took hardcore stuff with brutal side effects so now i'm paying for it, i knew i will someday in the future when i'll be old, but not now
Maladaptive, depends on antidepressants, all side effects are generally in instruction to pills from mild stuff to hardcore like parkinson's.. it's kind of russian roulette in a sense which ones effects you'll encounter
but they mostly gone after you stop taking them but it could leave a mark on physical health and you need to do a checkups with doctors, psychiatrist should know which pills leave a mark on what exactly.. so you can keep it checked for any anomalies
but there's one more thing which concern me most — I stopped taking antidepressants two months ago and i still have withdrawal syndrome, it's been hell for me both physically and mentally, i don't want to scare you, it's rare
and if you have depression or thoughts about hurting yourself you SHOULD take meds, there's no other way sadly, it's the point when only doing therapy or doing nothing at all won't help, and the help is what you need in this moments
so do what doctor says, he knows better, but be careful with your health, do a check ups if doc prescribes something heavy, trust me on this one. I hope everything will be good! meds can do magical things on you too ⚡️
I took a lot of stuff from prozac and zoloft to clomipramine (anafranil is the brand name), and the latest one is a fcker, ask for anything but not that. i did take phenazepam as well, it's quick relief of any mental pain but addictive too
and i just
and i just learned it's banned in USA (you're from there right?) and classifieds drugs, so you're safe here
sad to hear it, when they prescribe you something you can write me and we'll do some research together if you want
well, diagnose is a though one with this things, it takes years of observation.. my latest diagnose is borderline personality disorder but it's not cut in stone yet so yeah, it's hard and take years sometimes:(
if you can function without pills
then don't take them, but if not it's worth a try i think.. sorry to hear about your siblings :( but i hope they understand what you're going through and support you, cause it's pretty sad when no one around even believes in mental health problems
hey if there's still good days then you may be out of the woods with only just therapy :)
mood 4 is not bad :) but we can do better, i know
it's always about the money.. i should quit with all that's happening at work, but i can't now. being sick is expensive, it's like catch 22
Ольга,надеюсь все наладится.держись,в депрессии ,конечно хоть за воздух,но держись.трудно и очень тяжело все это.удачи тебе.всегда с тобой на связи здесь.❤
Ann, спасибо большое, так приятно встретить
тут слова поддержки на родном языке. 💕