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Friyay! I like that.

21 Aug 2021
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I guess I am feeling ok! Just returned from backpacking trip which went well. Could have been better if I was able to communicate better w friends.

sounds fun. Where did you go?

21 Aug 2021
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Tonight has been really hard! I just even don't know how to articulate. I can't be around other people when I am on substances. I can't communicate, I can't think and I always feel awkward and super fearful for miscommunication. Then I get very hard on myself for the things I said and done which is not very significant. But everything amplifies in my perception. I can't handle! People and myself.
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Tonight I should not have gone out. My original plan was to stay home and eat some mushrooms which has been very therapeutic for me. Especially doing it alone when I am home. But instead I chose to tag along w my partner and his friend. Then I found myself in a conflict between friends that are getting divorce. Ugh! I feel like I ***ed up for managing the conflict. Not too skillful.
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I might be paranoiac. And I feel like I need to do something about it. It is reallly coming to point where I feel I can't distinguish what is real and what is not which usually happens when I am tripping. But I notice that it is also happening when I am not under any influence. I feel like day time paranoia comes and leaves as soon as i decide not to follow. But still that bothers me!
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Feeling spontaneous! About to go to see a show at a park… didn't get a Tix due to increased price. Hoping to find a Tix at the gate if I get lucky otherwise I can see the show outside the fence. Or somehow I can try to sneak in. Lol Either way win win.
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I feel pretty chill. I was planning to leave for backpacking Tom then there is a possibility that my plans might have to change due to some setback from frands side. We ll find out more Tom and for that reason, I will wait till Tom and don't think about it right now. Enjoy my night instead (:
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