Sunday: went to the zoo with a friend and her children. Out in the sun and not very cold weather. It felt good to spend time with them.
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Wednesday: short work day, mindfulness workshop online. A health issue has come up: not good. 😓
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Monday: meeting with psychiatrist on Tuesday, feeling somewhat hopeful. Less intrusive thoughts. Supportive support group. Heard from a friend dealing with depression as well.
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Read a book. Discontent. Empty/lonely feelings.

I hope it passess soon.

14 Nov 2021

Thank you Cameron. Me too

15 Nov 2021
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Tuesday: less tired, spoke to the therapist. He seemed a bit helpful but also like he will want to push Buddhism on me/like he doesn't listen well. Met v briefly with a neighbor/Internet friend.
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Monday: less tired, less glum. Scheduled a therapist appointment and did a support group.
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Sunday: spent time walking in the park with a friend, talking about how I'm doing and admitting how much I'm struggling. I felt good when I was with her but when I got home, things got very bleak. My current meds can cause suicidal ideation so not sure if that's the issue/contributing or if they're reducing the way my brain would be acting without them. Sleep interrupted by hopeless thoughts.
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Friday: tired and bored at work, tried to nap but unsuccessful, almost fell asleep during a local support group, fell asleep watching TV but had a hard time actually sleeping at night :/ waiting to hear back from my brother and a potential therapist
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Thursday: a little more energy than in recent days, contacted a neighbor to see if they'd want to hang out sometime, took a short walk. Support group and admitted I'm scared of bipolar and feeling lonely bc of it. An unexpected phone call was a nice treat.
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Wednesday: work project hit a wall; interacted with a few more people at work. Empty evening at home; knit. I've created a very lonely life and I'm not sure how to fix it now while dealing w mental health
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Tuesday: worked from home. Hosted an event online and seemed perky enough but I was actually feeling depressed, tired, and restless but low energy. Hoping med side effects will ease up and I'll have more energy soon. Spoke to my crush for the first time in a while = highlight of my day.
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Monday: low energy but not feeling bad really. A new meeting session for support group. Cooked some nutritious things for dinner. Texted a couple people.
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Sunday: I went to a Halloween party and walking to trick or treat houses w my friends' kids. I felt v tired though and weirdly like there but not there/separate from everyone which is like medicine or brain stuff, idk. I am not drinking or smoking and kinda everyone else was plus trying to eat less sugary stuff so that felt a little weird. It was nice to not be alone tho I was a bit out of it
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Saturday: ran an errand, ate lunch in a park (quickly bc I felt chilly), wore a low-effort costume most people didn't even notice, worked and felt some ups and downs - a little cranky but also sometimes giggling/having small jokes. Not bad. Still not a lot of energy though.
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Friday: handed out a bit of candy at work. Went to a memorial vigil for a mood disorder peer I knew through community activism work. Very sad but a chance to be in company and not alone. Low energy.
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Took some short walks. Depression has me so tired and low energy. Joined the support group I didn't love; there might be a second facilitator or a different session eventually. Hoping that will be a good change. Texted a bit with a friend.
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A little down, reeling from 2 deaths of people I know. Feeling lonely. My mom messaged me about some morbid topics. Checked in with some friends and made plans for this and next weekend. Knit a bit. Napped a bit.
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Off of work for a dentist appointment that became a small surgery I've put off for 10+ years. Lots of rain, grey day. Work meeting, support group that felt less helpful than last week. Felt okay but occasionally feeling very empty/lonely/isolated like there's nothing very meaningful in my life.

Is that a bad thing... to feel isolated like there's nothing very meaningful in my life? Sounds like a stupid question we can answer with a resounding no. But, I don't think the answer is so obvious. What is that feeling pointing you to?

28 Oct 2021
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I met with a nutritionist who seemed helpful. I felt less hopeless and more like I could figure out healthy things to eat after. Work meeting; support group that turned into a talk about drugs and alcohol, not super helpful. Texted some friends. Got some horrible news about a mutual friend. #RIP
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Spent time with a friend, her kids and a mutual (who can sometimes bring out the worst in me, but things were pleasant). We did a small hike and had dinner at her place. The original plan was to go to a brewery but my brother worried about drinking alcohol because of the new meds/depression. I had a half glass of wine w dinner. It was nice to be around people.
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