6.4 avg
  1411 days
  8581 hugs
1(6) 2No Reasons3(7)
(7) Skipped gym for carbs and wine :( phonecall with the American :)
4(7) 5(6) The American has gone elsewhere this weekend. We've discussed us living somewhere else we both can work. So I should be happy, but I wish he was here. I love where I am. This is where I want to be6No Reasons7No Reasons
8(6) Slept most of the weekend. Got up for volunteering job and back to bed. Will try to get to gym today.9No Reasons10(7) 2 times to the gym this week so good. End of tax year. Just can't face looking at last year's paperwork11No Reasons12(8) Too Excited to sleep. Seeing the American tomorrow. It's been nearly a month since the last time which is pretty much The longest gap since we got together.13No Reasons14No Reasons
(5) Had planned to wash hair tonight. But did some account work at home and forgot. Now it's late Early start for work in morning. Grrr
16No Reasons17(6) Always thought I was good at my job. But recently found huge gaps in my knowledge. Guess that's what being stuck at the same place a decade does. Complacency. Studying hard the last few evenings18No Reasons19(5) Started a text argument with the American last night.
(6) Good volunteer shift. Feel rubbish about starting argument yesterday. Going to give him some space as I'm only going to continue as I didn't get answers. Therapist cancelled appointment last week.
20(6) Sun is shining and I'm still moping
(5) Staring at phone waiting for text :(
(3) The text arguing continues.
22(2) It's over
(4) Can't sleep. Didn't sleep very well last night either
23No Reasons24(5)
(5) Still meh
(6) Panda pals are great. Xx
(4) Angry
26No Reasons27(2) I'm so disappointed and hurt that I've turned into angry, mean and just horrible to him. I've ruined it. All I want is to be with him and I'm pushing him away
(2) I hate myself right now. I hate time differences. I can't sleep. I keep checking the time to see when it is possible he can be awake
28(1) Realise haven't eaten since Friday. That's probably why it hurts to stand up. However I do like my starved body.
29(5) Weekend in bed. Glad I don't have to work today. Had a shower and made coffee. Will go out and do some chores later. Wish I didn't have a flatmate.
(6) Went out for catfood. Came back with a bird feeder and birdfood to entertain the cat. But forgot the catfood
(7) Went to spin even though I've been advised not to exercise for 2 months. Patella fasci.something or other. I've given up the treadmill, and not pushing. But my mood drops when I don't exercise
30No Reasons
  1(7) Midweek already:)2No Reasons3(7) Work week over. Volunteer shift tomorrow. So feel ugh. Need time out. But commitment is commitment. And it's Friday. I survived
(5) I've been on here 3.33 years. So some of you have known me a while. I invite opinion. As we fought The American told me he thinks I have borderline personality disorder. My therapist hasn't mentione
4(7) Shift over and it was a good one. Now I'm out of my training period, I'm starting to believe in myself more5(7)
6(6) Working Bank holiday :(
(6) ? therapist has cancelled me for tomorrow. Family commitments. Means I can't speak about the Americans comments. Because I don't attend or pay with the regularity I used to. I'm sidelined
7(6) Ok work day. Not great. 5 Spin 68(7) Going to go to Boston for the weekend. Only 2 more work days9(5) Sick day off work. Don't like doing it. But if I got there I would have had to turn around and come home. No pay. :(10No Reasons11(7) 12No Reasons
13(8) Good weekend. But already in the grips of jetlag.
(6) The American made a comment that our places are so different. He has 2 large rooms. My entire house fits the same area. His is minimal and I have lots of stuff. Trying to get rid of clutter
14(6) Trained at work about something groundbreaking in my field. So exciting. Not as jetlagged as expected..yet. One ofThe Americans colleagues committed suicide over the weekend. Otherwise would be 815(9) It's Eurovision week. ???16No Reasons17(9) Eurovision semi 2. Gutted Ireland didn't make it through. Sound was rubbish. Azerbaijan or Norway for the win
(6) Tired
(5) Just Heard the sad news that grumpy cat is chasing mice in heaven
18(9) Eurovision party. Waiting for people to arrive.19(6) Post party clean up / hangover
20No Reasons21(5) Cut the endoff my thumb on a mandolin . Good job I know 1st aid. But keeping a plaster clean and dry when I wash my hands every 20 min for work
(9) The American messaged me today that he adores me. That's normally me telling him. I'm on cloud 9 or 10 or 11 :)
22No Reasons23No Reasons24(8) 25(7) 26(8)
27(6) Went to Tate modern ( Dorothea tanning) and Tate Britain (van Gogh) today to make use of my membership card. Wasn't impressed by either. Is it the art? Or my state of mind?28(7) 29(6) Couldn't face gym tonight. Although I love it. Need to get back to where I was 2 years ago
(5) Feel bad I didn't go to the gym and I stayed home and I have a bottle of wine all to myself because my flatmate is out. So how bad is that
30(6) Feel ok but haemorrhaging money at the moment31(6) Fed up at work
     1(7) 2(8)
(8) Window open due to heat. Might get high on fumes from outside . Volunteer Police shift done for day. Good partner, bought me chocolate, didn't treat me like reserve.
3No Reasons4(6) Achey
(8) Nice spin class
5No Reasons6(6) Hurry up weekend.7(8) Work night out8(8) Gin festival???9No Reasons
10No Reasons11(7) Managed to excercise 4 X last week. Permanent Aches, but I like the momentum and I'm sure the aches will subside soon12(8) 13(8) Starting pole dancing class tomorrow. Looking forward to it. Since neck injury 5 years ago I've not been able to do weights. Hope this will increase my strength14(8) 1st pole fitness class was good. Expect to ache tomorrow again15(4) Woke up to a message from The American. Saying his flight was cancelled. He was supposed to be here already, for a concert tonight. But I missed his call and don't know what is going on.16No Reasons
17(6) The American has been and gone. Sad :(
(5) He told me he was looking for someone nice. And he found me. And I'm not nice, hi. Hum.
(5) Have the work day I don't like tomorrow.(my terrible Tuesday) and the colleague I like to work with is away
18No Reasons19No Reasons20(5) Slight hangover. Apathy.dont want to go to work
21(8) Nice Pole dance class. 2nd week. Noticed improvement22(7) Some time working the garden today23(8)
24(6) Not really motivated to do anything25No Reasons26(6)
(6) Legs still painful/achey despite taking vitamin d for a week, and magnesium spray for longer. Still exercising and it appears to be the only time I forget about it
27(6) 6.528(7) Not rating my chance of sleep tonight. 4am start to get to Heathrow for my flight in the morning. Visiting The American which is nice in itself. But he got me tickets to see new kids on the block in29No Reasons30No Reasons
1No Reasons2(9) It was such a good weekend. I feel like he is everything I've waited for. I acknowledge he was mean to me, but I was mean 1st. ATM I feel so lucky3(6) Went spin class despite the heat. Worked out at 50%. But better than nothing right?4(6) Drank too much gin last night with my flatmate that today has been a huge slog. In bed already5(8) Starting season 3 stranger things. Gorged on fresh bread6No Reasons7(8)
8(5) Home internet is off. Can't watch the Netflix series I skipped the gym for9(7)
(7) So what happened to my early night? Waking up saying Im so tired I will go straight to bed after work. Never happens and the cycle continues. I already see myself at 6.30 tomorrow :/
10(7) 11(8) Zumba and finally saw series finale of stranger things. Thank you Netflix for finally working again12(7) Going to pole class, Which I enjoy. I want chocolate cake.13(8) Gave in to the chocolate lust after yesterday's self control. I enjoyed it, and also the voluntary shift14(8) Art gallery followed by music festival. What a full, great day
15(8) 16(7) Nice takeaway.17No Reasons18No Reasons19(7)
(8) It's the weekend. Yay. Points down for the extra early start
20No Reasons21(9) Date halfway in Belfast ( ok not so much half way for me)
(7) Tired after long week and short weekend break which I enjoyed, but was early starts. Off from work tomorrow, but said I would do voluntary shift starting 5.45 so kind of committed. Would like a lie in
22(5) Yesterday was odd. Missed flight home, despite sitting at gate for 1 hour. Must have been in Dreamworld so had to pay 100 to change it and get standby for next flight. Home late so didn't do shift
(5) My lodger wants to bring a man home for s**g. I said no and now I'm the villain. You just pay rent but I pay the mortgage I pay insurance. I didn't bring my American home for 6 months after we met. I
23(7) Nice after work walk with colleague/ friend. It's so hot and I got stung on the hand by a bee or wasp. It kills, but I now know I'm not allergic24(8) 25(5) After the wasp sting the hand has got pinker, bigger and I can't close a fist. Guess I'm a bit allergic after all. Pain is affecting sleep26(9) Flatmate is moving out. No notice. No deposit for me to use in lies of notice. But ??I'm so glad27No Reasons28No Reasons
29(5) After last week's sting / bite I've been emergency doctor and now I'm seeing my own doctor. I really don't feel right. I've been given an inhaler, but don't feel any benefit30(6) 31(8) flatmate moved out today. Hi score as i realised how much she had moved into my space. Financially I'm broke, and looking for a new lodger. On a Monday to Friday basis, so hopefully it helps us both