1.5 avg
  550 days
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  51 followers
January
MTWTFSS
 1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3(0) Woke up too late. Seem to have chewed up the inside of my mouth while I slept. Left side of my chest hurts when I breathe. Feel so tired. Today sucks.
(0) Going to try and get through a workout. Might help better my mood a bit.
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5(5) I need to stop focussing on the negatives. There are positives to every day, no matter how few or small.6(0) Waited half an hour in the rain for a rail replacement bus service that never came. Was really looking forward to today. Now I'm likely gonna stew in a miserable mood until bed time.
7(8) Randomly started writing music again. After about three years. Out of nowhere. Then talking to some new friends I met over Overwatch, talking about how I met Hayao Miyazaki and played his piano. Happy
(4) Annoyingly woke up too late. Going to try and do some music work though.
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9(5) Today was ok. Quite productive. Looking forward to releasing my EP maybe Friday if it's ready. Found a box full of old antidepressant packagings. Two years of useless pill-taking. Much better without.10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11(2) Feeling pretty dead. Went climbing with friends yesterday and had a great time. Just feel so tired and down today. Gotta sit on a train for two hours to get back home now. Not looking forward to it.
(7) Released my EP. Feels good. Here's the link if you want to have a listen https://maxtylermusic.bandcamp.com/album/patience
12(3) Dreams are always exhausting. Feeling lazy and not up for doing anything productive.13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
14(0) No motivation. Feel dead.15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16(4) Woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. Only way I'm getting through today is if I have a coffee. We'll see how that goes. Need to get back to being more productive.17(3) I hate it when I have a dream that's better than real life. I never want to leave and end up sleeping for as long as possible.18(1) Had a good climb yesterday. Though didn't sleep well, had to have two coffees to get through the day so naturally now I'm having panic attacks because that's what happens when I have too much caffeine19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20(2) Lack of sleep has lead to my muscles not repairing properly after climbing on Thursday. Just tried to do a workout at home and had to stop halfway through because my arms are killing me.
21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22(4) 4.5 Rearranged things in my room so I have more floor-space. Wrote a small poem. Small things. Small, positive things.23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24(1) Not feeling super great right now. Morning was fine, had a bath to relax, then went out for lunch and gradually started feeling shit. Think I'm not managing being out on my own as well as I think.25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26(3) Very unstable today because of a lack of sleep but managed to get some prop work for the film done with a friend.27(8) Great day shooting today. Very cold but very productive. Navigating problems as they arise while filming makes me feel capable and confident.
28(1) Did a workout today. That was good. Started feeling panicky about an hour or two ago. Isn't going away. Trying to watch a film to take my mind of things but it's not really working.29(2) Had a night terror last night. Was exhausting trying to get out of it. No idea what triggered it.30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4(4) Was feeling very panicky today. Decided to just play video games about two hours ago and feel a lot better now.5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(0) Really not feeling good. Sleep is so terrible I had to cancel a doctor's appointment tomorrow because I know I won't be up in time.
(0) Was trying to play a game to take my mind off things As soon as I stopped I had a very large panic attack which turned into a full breakdown Couldn't stop crying and just sat in my bed with the covers
7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8(3) Went climbing. Climbed a 7b which I think is the best problem I've ever done. Feels good. But I don't feel good. I feel so down. I don't sleep well unless I'm drunk. My life is a mess. I'm a mess.
(0) Need a long cuddle. Always feeling so alone.
9(3) Shift went fine at the piano bar. Disgustingly tired though now. Cannot manage on this little sleep. Going to see a friend in a show later. Hopefully I don't pass out before.10(1) An actor in my film just informed me they don't want to be in it any more. We've already shot all their scenes so now we have to find a new actor for reshoots. Livid.
11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14(3) Been drunk the past four nights just to get some sleep.15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17(0) Feel miserable. Gonna try and make it through the week without any alcohol before bed.
(0) Family were away last week. Was nice to have breathing space. Now they're here I'm back to feeling lonely.
18(1) Today hasn't been terrible. So why do I feel terrible?19(2) Sleeping without alcohol is going... Ok. Feeling very tired in the morning though.20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21(0) Had a drink last night, as the night before I was still awake when the sun was rising. Really worried my sleep will only get worse.22(3) Feeling horribly notstalgic today. Missing my time in Japan and my ex really bad right now.23(3) Good day at the climbing wall with a good friend. Home now so feeling down. Work called off tomorrow so I guess I can relax at least.24(4) Feeling very lazy today. Procrastinating writing music instead of tidying my room. Feeling a bit hollow.
25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(5) The past 7 days I've had a small bit of weed in the afternoon. It's fixed my sleep. I wake up less tired, my anxiety has improved, and I can cope better with whatever I do during the day.7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9(5) Lapsing again in how frequently I update this. Must remember to try and update at least once a day. Feeling OK. Sleep still going well. Still a lot of worries but I'm managing... Just.10(0) Angry today. At what I don't know. Frustrating to say the least. Not sure what to do with myself.
11(1) Saw a rat in the house so now I'm sat up in bed reading about rats. This is the last thing I need.
(0) Everything is shit.
(4) Don't feel as bad as I did this morning after a workout. Still not great though.
12(2) Feeling very down. Hopefully a workout will help me feel a bit better. Feel so lost right now. Very tired.
(5) Feeling ok now. Better than this morning, at least.
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14(4) Poetry last night was good. Not sure how I feel right now.15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16(2) Feel dead today. Trying to do a workout. Stressing about the film a lot. Sometimes I feel like it'll never be finished.17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22(1) Lapsed in updating. Been feeling a bit all over the place lately.23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24(2) It's half twelve and I'm still in bed. Great start.
25(2) I need to reassess the tools with which I use to keep well.26(1) I'd like it if there wasn't a risk of panic attacks every time I have to write an email.27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29(4) Happy Piano Day everyone x30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31(0) Feel like absolute shit today. Only got out of bed about half and hour ago. Not really sure what I'm gonna do today.
April
MTWTFSS
1(1) I feel like I have almost zero self-control.2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5(1) Been feeling very low the past four days.6(0) Really struggling at the moment. Went axe-throwing with friends today. Still feel like shit. Mood is too low and I'm angry. Don't know what to do.7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8(3) Stressed. Worried. Scared.9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12(1) Was throwing up for most of yesterday. Feel better today but can't concentrate on anything for longer than ten minutes. Not fun.13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15(0) I want to be happy for more than one day at a time. I want to feel complete. I want to feel like what I've got is enough. I want to be less of a disappointment to myself.16(0) Just punched myself in the face quite suddenly. Thought I was done with self-harm for good. Turns out I'm just done cutting.
(0) Making sure I'm drunk so I don't punch myself in the face again tonight...
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23(8) We had some animators and filmmakers that are friends of my Mum over for the Easter Weekend. Had some absolutely amazing and inspiring conversations with them--24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26(5) Very tired but the edit for the film is going well. 66 pages in so far. Been doing well at getting up before ten for the past week as well, so that's good. Will see how long I can keep it up.27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28(4) Been making music with friends today and yesterday. Was really good and productive, but I got a bit too drunk, and one of them triggered me by touching me a bit too forcefully as a joke --
29(0) Today isn't going to be good30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
May
MTWTFSS
  1(5) Editing yesterday was productive. Went to the cinema afterwards with a friend which was nice. Back editing today, feel very tired but overall OK.2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3(3) I'm absolutely exhausted from working so hard the last two weeks and my mental health is suffering quite badly because of it. First day off in ages today. Don't feel very stable at all.4(1) Feeling very hollow today.5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
6(0) Sleep is not happening at the moment. And my right leg is painful when I walk, which is worrying as I haven't done anything to it to warrant such a thing. Feel like complete shit.7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8(1) Burnt myself out but we've now edited everything that's be shot up till now. Beyond tired. Gonna do a lot of nothing tomorrow to recharge.9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15(2) So stressed out and worried about filming this Friday. Trying not to let it get to me but it's hard.16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18(5) Filming went well. Stress is lessened now but still not great. Really worried I'm not gonna get it finished.19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
20(4) Not feeling so terrible today. Got lots of problems to solve in the coming weeks. Had time for a workout today which was nice.21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26(4)
27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31(5) Haven't been updating because of how terrible I've been feeling recently. Filming today was a good morale-booster. Still horrifically stressed though but less worried. Messy.
June
MTWTFSS
     1(0) Feel like such a terrible person.
(0)
2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(3) Had a cry in the bath. Haven't cried in months, so I was well overdue.5(0) 6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9(3) I did a 10k obstacle course today in lots of mud. Completed the course in an hour. Didn't train specifically for it so I'm quite pleased. Still not feeling great. Still stressed. Still worried. Sad.
10(2) Was pretty miserable this morning. Still not feeling so great now. Went to the beach with some friends for a while though, so that was nice11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12(0) The pressure of post-production is really getting to me. I do not feel good at all. Really anxious, really stressed, really scared, worried, I don't want to give up but I don't know how to carry on.13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16(0) Over the last few months I've noticed I've been disociating less and less. I'm spending a lot of time with friends lately and I think that's the reason why. --
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(0) Keep running away20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21(0) I haven't told anyone I'm not ok.22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23(3) Filming was great today. Very productive day. Looking forward to more editing next week
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25(0) Feeling very hollow of late. Not sure who I am.26(0) Looking back at old photos and videos. I never know how good I've got it when I've got it. Feeling horribly nostalgic right now.27(5) Reminding myself how nice it is that I get to shoot a film with my Dad.28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30(3) Wrapped all actors on the film today. Feel strange. Still not feeling good overall. But got some good work done today.
July
MTWTFSS
1(5) Still feeling very strange but I'm alive, so that's good.2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8(1) Forgetting to update regularly again. Things aren't good. I'm a bit of a mess. Still haven't managed to tell anyone how bad it's gotten. Kinda sick of burdening people.9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12(1) Things aren't great. I haven't got the willpower that I started with.13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15(2) Struggling to do anything.16(5) Randomly feel OK today.17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(5) Yesterday was a ride. Had a terrible morning to late afternoon and felt like killing myself at times. Then went to the climbing wall and got a few compliments on my climbing--20(0) Mum tried to have a shouting match with me last night. I remained calm and didn't raise my voice so she ended up walking away.21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25(5) Feeling OK today. Still very stressed about the film though. Hopefully seeing an old friend tomorrow.26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(5) 28(4)
29(2) 30(5) Managed to get out and see friends today. Had a nice time.31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
August
MTWTFSS
   1(5) Not sure but I don't feel bad or good. More just neutral.2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7(0) Miscalculated my finances again. Can't afford to do anything now. Gonna have to deal with not spending any money for about two months. Unless they want to let me start work again. That won't happen.8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10(0) Falling apart slowly. Things have got bad. Can't focus on a positive or see any silver lining. Still haven't found a way to be consistently happy. My film's fucking up. Zero money. Don't like this...11(0) Haven't felt this way in a long time. Just want everything to go away now.
(0) Haven't eaten since breakfast. Can't leave my room to make anything.
(0) I fucking hate myself
(0) so close to cutting myself
12(0) I don't feel safe enough to cry
(1) Still in major need of a cry but feel a bit better after a sleep. Going to try and get some semblance of work done today. Failing that maybe I'll be able to tidy my room or work out.
(3) Did a work out and wrote some music. Got too much energy in me though and it's got nowhere to go. Wondering if I'll sleep tonight.
13(0) I don't want to be me. That's not true. I don't want to struggle like I do. Managing how I feel is too difficult. If it doesn't get any better, one day, one year, I'll go. And it'll be by my hand.
(1) When my brain is dulled I can think clearly. Why is that?
(0) Slept in too late. Can't get out of my head. Want everything to stop.
(1) Playing video games to distract myself. Feel a small bit better.
14(3) Had way too much energy today and it was very frustrating. Managed to be productive thought and started work for a prop I'm making for a show I'm in next week. Drunk now so my mood is up a bit.15(0) Been lying awake in bed for hours now. My eyes won't stay shut. I just want to sleep. Mind won't shut down.
(2) Friend came round today to help with prop making. Then we went for a nice walk up a mountain. Then came home and was emotionally assaulted by mother. She's so good at turning my days to shit.
(1) Will I ever feel tired enough to sleep at the end of the day without the use of alcohol or weed? I don't know. Doesn't seem like I ever will right now.
16(0) Nope, not gonna be able to sleep. Alcohol it is. Fuck my pathetic existence.17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18(5) Had a great show on Saturday. But also previously I had received news that my friend who's been struggling with cancer wont make it to the end of the year. Still haven't got over that yet. Baked now.
19(5) Got quite a few jobs to get done before Wednesday. Feeling OK. Definitely because I've got weed again. It's amazing how a small amount before sleep improves my mood tenfold in the morning.20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22(8) With friends. We've got our first full show tomorrow. very excited. Happy and thankful to be making art with those I love.23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24(6) Chilled today with my friends after our performance yesterday. People said such lovely things about our show. Couldn't be happier with how it went.25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
26(5) Tired but ok.27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29(0) Life is a joke and I need to stop forgetting that. Things just will never be easier for me, that's just the punchline. It's just sometimes it seems so cruel. I'm definitely not who I am.30(2) Managed to finally compose and send an email that's been months overdue. I'm such an idiot. Got some music writing done today.31(0) Being so lazy with everything. Can't see the point in things currently. The days will repeat, and repeat again.
(4) Feeling much better today. Slept funny though so my back is in pain a bit. Managed to get some songwriting done this morning.
(5) Feeling ok right now.
September
MTWTFSS
      1(5) Feeling ok. Made a lot of music today, then did some boring costings for some equipment for the band.
2(6) I have been writing music. I swear it was four o'clock like thirty minutes ago.3(4) Needed weed this morning. Not sure why. Feel better equipped to tackle the day now.4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6No Reasons7(1) Lodgers up at five having a shower. Was going to go out walking today but can't now because I'm too tired.
(0) Finally managed to get myself out of bed and downstairs for breakfast only to find the lodgers have drank all my milk. So I'm having to have dry cereal. I guess it could be worse. This day sucks
8(3) Feel very unsettled mostly. Don't feel in control. Worried. But things could be worse.
(4) Still anxious about going to the hairdressers, so I've cut my own hair again. Just lucky I've got the skills to make it look half decent. Maybe next month I'll be able to go to the hairdressers.
(1) Looked through old photos and now feel like shit. I didn't know how great I had it. I wasn't able to see because of all the shit in my head. I barely even remember any of it.
9(4)
(0) Horribly angry.
(1) So stressed out. Hopefully it will all have passed by Friday.
10(0) Numb today. Neither here nor there.
(5) Went to a friend's house to chill. Feel ok now. Home in a bit.
11(0) Today is an actual joke. Been stood up, again. Don't know why I even put the effort in. Fuck everything.
(0) Yeah, today can eat a big bag of dicks.
12(0) Woke up to find my friend Tay has lost his battle with cancer.13(1) Feeling better today. Not great at all though.
(4) Tidied room, set up a new laptop for writing music, hoovered, changed bed sheets. Productive but still low.
14(5) Feeling ok as I've got rehearsals all day today. Everything's overshadowed by grief though.
(8) Rest of the band liked the songs I'd written for us. Big relief. Rehearsals are going well, too.
15(4) Always finding something to complain about.
(5) Ticked off some Wainwrights today with some friends. Had a lot of fun, nice conversations, and good food at the pub at the end. Room feels empty now though.
16(5) Replacement speaker finally came today. Haven't been doing much. Just listening to music and playing video games.17(2) Needing weed in the mornings again. not great. Might be going down to London for a week or so on Friday. Absolutely terrified about it.18(2) Getting super paranoid I won't have everything ready by Friday to go to London, or that I'll forget something.19(0) Terrified and I'll at ease about the weekend.
(5) Felt great to be back at the climbing wall after about a month.
20(4) Travelling down to London today at 2. Quite scared. Very anxious.
(5) Leaving in an hour. Got high so I don't have a panic attack and beg that we turn around and go back home.
(8) Travel down went fine. With my cousin and some friends playing boardgames. Happy.
21(7) Meetin a friend I haven't seen in maybe two years today in London. Very excited.
(5) Feel odd. Definitely not completely comfortable. Appetite is completely off.
22(7) Feeling good today. Took my friend Tom climbing which was fun. Seem to be navigating London OK. Not as well as when I lived here, but it's tolerable. Looking forward to seeing more friends tonight.
23(8) With my friend just lying in bed having cuddles. Something I really don't get to do at all at home. Also met up with a friend I haven't seen in 8 or so years earlier. Great day.24(4) Feeling melancholy today. Was bound to come down a bit after so many good days. Got to sort out my bank card today as annoyingly it's not working. Then seeing more friends later in the day.
(8) Had a great time today with another friend I haven't seen in too long. It was like we'd never been apart. With another friend now. I love them all so much.
25No Reasons26(5) Feeling pretty neutral right now. At my mate's house while he's at an audition. Travelling to Somerset later.27No Reasons28(7) Charity gaming stream went great. Raised over £3000. Still very tired from it now though. At my friend's house currently, it's been nice to see them.29(6) Leaving my mate's house today to see another friend in Bristol. Yet another friend I haven't seen in years. Feel tired but good. Not looking forward to the travelling though.
30No Reasons
October
MTWTFSS
 1(4) Going to a friend's funeral today. Not feeling too terrible but, yeah. Death happens, and sometimes it really sucks.2(5) Going home today. Not very happy about that but it does mean I can get back to work on my film, music, and drawing. Gonna miss everyone I've visited a lot.
(2) Miscommunication caused me to miss my train. On another one now but don't have a reserved seat for my entire 8 hour journey so I'll likely have to stand a lot. Had to rush goodbyes too. I loathe that.
3(4) Made it home ok. Felt pretty miserable most of the way but it went pretty quickly.
(4) Went to sleep in my clothes. Just woke up. Definitely over slept but I think I needed it. Don't even remember hearing my alarm. Gonna tidy my room and start on inktober today.
(3) Tidied my room a bit. Feel a bit numb today. Haven't done any art yet.
4(3) Overslept again. Not sure what I'm gonna do today.5(4) Managed to get up before 11am today. Probably going to waste the day away.
(1) My main desktop PC won't turn on. Just won't boot at all. Ordered something to transfer all the important files over to my laptop. More than annoying. Trying to stay calm and not get angry.
(0) Today can eat a dick. So sick of problems that hide away only to rear their heads when I need it the least.
(1) Still not feeling great. Really struggling today. Was bound to have a comedown like this after such a nice time away seeing friends.
(2) Dinner was tough. Got through it though. High now
6No Reasons
7(4) Today was difficult Got up at an OK time then tried to work out but had to stop as I kept feeling sick Spent the rest of the day doing some pointillism which has been very satisfying. Feel odd overall8No Reasons9(4) Today was odd. Needed weed when I woke up, was very productive though and got a lot of art done10(4) Feeling a bit neither-here-nor-there today. Need to get some work done before climbing this evening.
(6) Climbing was great. Had a lot of fun. Chilling with my friend James now.
11No Reasons12(10) Had an amazing time recording tracks for my band. Day has been absolutely brilliant.13(3) Feeling pretty miserable this morning. Had sad dreams.
(5) Set out to record just the EP and found we had time enough yesterday and today to record our whole album. Great productive work with great people. Feel a bit odd now though, maybe just lacking energy.
14(2) Really not enjoying how my dreams are leaving me feeling in the mornings of late. Shit way to start the day.
(5) Did a lot of work today. Not too great in the head though.
15(2) Second morning in a row with weed. At least I'm not gonna kill myself.16(0) Heard mum joking about disabled people with my little sister. So inconsiderate and ignorant. They have no idea of the damage they cause17(1) Only just woke up. It's ten to noon. Was meant to exercise today.18(0) Horribly lonely
(1) Mostly bad dreams again, but I did get to cuddle a kapybara on my back lawn so it's not all bad. Up out of bed half an hour before noon though. Steadily falling apart.
(5) Mastering of the album is going well. Learning is very fun. High now. Still feeling alone, but we've got band rehearsals tomorrow so that's something to look forward to.
19(5) Rehearsals today. Excited and a good excuse to be up early.
(8) The guys really liked what I did with the album. Very happy.
20(5) Weird dreams. Trying to remain positive. More band stuff today.
(5) Home now. Have felt unsettled all weekend, has subsided now I'm home. Worried I'm getting worse at leaving the house. Certainly don't feel comfortable anymore when I'm out and about.
21(2) Woke up and felt ok and was going to do a workout after breakfast but then I improvised on the piano and got really sad so now I'm high and likely not going to do a workout. Just one of those days.
(1) Keep on disappointing myself.
22(0) Think I'm on a downward spiral. Help.23(1) I'm an absolute mess24No Reasons25No Reasons26(5) Feeling better today. Which is good considering I've got rehearsals.
(5) Rehearsals went good. Still feeling a bit off overall though.
27(1) Too exhausted mentally and emotionally. Very irritable, very stressed.
28(3) Got up, did a workout, played the piano, eaten. All before 12. Positive but still feel like shit.29(4) Managed a workout again this morning. Having food now at 11:32 even though I'm still not hungry. Struggling a lot with eating the first meal of the day recently.
(0)
30(2) 31(2) Going to a gig tonight with some friends. I should be fine but I'm paranoid I won't be all the same.