5.1 avg
  691 days
  4661 hugs
  87 followers
January
MTWTFSS
 1(6) Took tablets after too much cake. Two day's worth of refined sugar in one hit. Doing press ups (push ups to NA) to try and use it up before it turns to fat. Probably OTT reaction but I feel like it.2(4) Went for a run. Hit a metaphorical brick wall after 8 minutes. Then dogs surrounded me barking. I am phobic of dogs. Had to go home. Didn't feel good. A bit better now. Took tablets.3(5) Put away Xmas tree down. Took tablets.4(3) (Backdated) Just feeling shit. Took tablets.5(7) (Backdated) Had a really good run. Really tried to slow myself down at the start and managed a great time for a distance I was pleased with too. Foam roller before and after helped too. Took tablets.6(6) Nice walk. Lots of food. Easy Sunday. Took tablets.
7(3) Irritable. Procrastinating. Anxious. Today, please end soon, please. Busy day tomorrow but I bet it'll be better. Took tablets.8(6) Busier day was better than the boring day yesterday. I've been rubbish at doing my strength exercises and stretches. I thought my good run on Saturday would've inspired me, but meh. Taken tablets.9(6) Opened bank account and ran 6.4km in 31 minutes 23 seconds. Which would be slower than usual on my normal route, but this needed proper pacing to cope with the hills. Took tablets.10(5) Nice walk. Taken tablets.11(5) Busy day. It was ok but I'm very tired. Taken tablets.12(5) (I'll post this again and hopefully it'll work this time - backdated) Relaxing day. Happy to do not much after a busy Friday. Need to get back into regular stretching/workout. Took tablets.13(6) Good strength workout this morning. Felt I made up for yesterday's 'run'. Went food shopping. Watched the snooker on TV. Got distracted. Made a little progress with some music. Took tablets.
14No Reasons15(7) The cute physio woman told me 'take off your shorts... I meant shoes...' !!! Still got it! ? Making progress on some music. Left panned guitar, bass, whistle, and eq/mix still to do. Taken tablets16(5) (backdated) Had to cut short my run in the rain due to holes in my pockets. Made up with it with some strengthening instead. Mum survived having a camera put in her heart and is ok. Took tablets.17(5) Nice walk. Feeling crabby. Took tablets.18(3) (Backdated) I was super irritable so took a diazepam. Went to town, finished off the banking stuff and went to volunteering. Walked 5 miles back to the flat from town but my hip hurt. Took tablets.19(4) Still irritable but less so. Giving myself some time out. Although I'm not happy about it. Unexpected blast from the past phone call this morning from a drunk Welshman. Taken tablets.20(5) People are simple machines. We follow patterns and have automatic responses. It's useful to bear this in mind when dealing with life's more complicated aspects... Now if I could get some more sleep...
(6) Felt positive today despite discomfort in hip. I've got a well timed appointment tomorrow with the running specialist, hoping to hear reassurance! Felt like I helped my friend H today. Took tablets.
21(8) Talked to a lovely panda on the phone! ?22(5) At the end of counselling I was scared when my counsellor seemed to get excited at the prospect of me talking about my memories and fears. He had seemed bored up until then... git! Taken tablets.23(6) Hip definitely hurting even after a shorter run. I'm not bothered too much. I've caught the running bug enough to run through the discomfort. Otherwise mood is good. Taken tablets.24(6) Nice walk today but more hip pain by the end of it. I don't mind because being outside in the hills is better for me than staying at home in a blanket with a hot drink and paracetamol. Taken tablets.25(5) Anyone got recommendations of songs about school? Here's my playlist so far: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5kAHPpB28wwjnJfZNofzGivunoPFyiX826(6) Determined to give myself a 6 for enjoying my day despite not running as I'd planned (or at all). Well I say enjoy... I survived it... which is hopefully a positive thing, nonetheless. Taken tablets.27(5) Two lazy days in a row. Tired. Taken tablets.
28(6) I got 6 months of eurosport for £0.01 a month. Been watching winter sport. Glad I got out and ran. Took tablets.29(5) (Backdated) Had a nice chat online. Took tablets.30(6) Found a source of free trees for my crazy tree planting scheme. Happy about that. Did my run, slipping and sliding, had to cut it short and run down towards a warmer area because of ice. Took tablets.31(5) Slacking with strengthening exercises. Mood ok. Taken Tablets.
February
MTWTFSS
    1(5) Apple shop couldn't help with my laptop so I've gone all in DIY with an iFixit repair set. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it! (Probably something that'll keep putting off.) Took tablets.2(5) Didn't run due to snow. Was going to go to my parents' to use the exercise bike, didn't. Lazy day. Feel ok, but feel more tired than I would've had I exercised I expect. Taken tablets.3(6) First meal in a while where I've made an effort. It pays off. I can only cook one thing well, but I can cook it very well. Wrote some words. https://johntownshend.com/wordpress/shy/ Taken tablets.
4(5) Taken tablets.5(5) 5.5. Getting tired. Was full of energy most of the day. Talking about self awareness and thinking before speaking today at counselling. Taken tablets.6(7) Didn't run. I did a painting instead. It was a lot of fun! Taken tablets.7(6) Busy day tomorrow and busy weekend coming up. Got collection by courier tomorrow. Volunteering. Delivery of 1000+ library newsletters. Macbook battery repair. And all the usual housework. Taken tabs.8(6) Taken tablets.9(5) Long day delivering newsletters. Took 3 hours+ and I've still got some left over. Had a big meal. Now evening playing Santa Search memory pairs game with my niece. Taken tablets.10(5) Thinking about the future. I hope I never get mixed up between a actual memory and a figment of my imagination again. It was a living nightmare which made life a lot more difficult. Taken tablets.
11(6) Upset I haven't run (AGAIN!). But... I have successfully replaced the battery that was glued to the case of my Macbook by taking every conceivable component apart back together. 4 and half hours.12(5) Wobbly start to the day. Didn't run (again!), but will run tomorrow (hooray!). Went to local history society meeting and counselling. Made flapjacks (oat tray bake - NOT THICK PANCAKES). Taken tablets13(6) Good run this morning. Pleased with progress. Hip a little bit twingy a few hours later but just a sign I need to restart the stretching and strengthening. Walk tomorrow, don't know where. Taken tabs.14(5) Derry Girls is a great comedy. Taken tablets.15(5) (Backdated) Rested most of the day. Volunteering in the evening. Been sunny for a while. It's nice to get outside. Taken tablets.16(6) Enjoyed a walk in the hills with my Dad. Bought him a pint and the football went well. Taken tablets. This website/app is so buggy. I posted 4 replies and a hug to a panda. None of them sent *#@! this17(4) Just eaten but starting to feel sick. Taken tablets.
18(4) Taken tablets. False alarm with the sickness feeling yesterday. I'm feeling under the weather nontheless.19(5) (Backdated) Felt good that I felt well enough to stop counselling after the 6 weeks review. Also felt sad that I have little less safety net. Took tablets.20(5) Woke up feeling tired. Had a nice run, felt good but took it easy. Spent the rest of the day doing nothing. Tried to do some music but wasn't in the mood. Taken tablets.21(5) Taken tablets.22(6) Nice day digging an allotment in the sun. Taken tablets.23(5) Taken tablets.24(6) Nice day but it's gone quick and I'm tired. Taken tablets.
25(5) (backdated) yeah I can't remember but around 4.5... Took tablets.26(6) (backdated) I think I did 2 paintings... I can't remember but around 5.5... Took tablets.27(4) (backdated) I remember running up a big hill but around 4.5... Took tablets.28(4) (backdated) I went on a walk over the moors and saw two wild deer on the hilltop, I didn't have my proper camera. Also got a blister threatening race on Saturday. Took tablets.
March
MTWTFSS
    1(4) Now is the night before the race. I'm more concerned with being around lots of people than I am achieving my goal time. Ate pasta just now. Gotta wake up early tomorrow and eat. Took tablets.2(10) Massive 5k PB on a difficult course. 23 minutes 28 seconds! Elation!3(6) Relaxing day. Chatted a bit to my two fav pandas. Lots to think about and nothing to think about. Did some writing about breaking the cycle of regret https://johntownshend.com/wordpress Taken tablets
4(3) Today can end soon please. I have been mean to a friend and achieved very little. Maybe an effect of feeling smug about recent achievements and improvement. Maybe just a blip. I don't know. Taken tabs5(5) Took a diazepam last night. It made today easy. Although I didn't do much, I felt ok. I'll go for a run tomorrow. Very tired. Taken tablets.6(6) Very short sharp run today. Played some games this morning. Done a little music, a start... Planning to go to the lane and buy some tickets for the last two home matches of the season. Taken tablets.7(5) (Backdated) I like the advert for Guinness Clear. I hate adverts but I like that one. Took tablets.8(6) #HappyInternationalWomensDay https://www.gofundme.com/whensinternationalmensday2019 Taken tablets.9(3) Today can also fuck off. The cat had switched off my fridge freezer and I had to throw all the food away. Also I left 6 lengthy heart felt messages for fellow pandas and none of them worked. Took tabs10(6) Despite doing nothing apart from shopping to restock the fridge, I have done nothing and am feeling good about it. Taken tablets.
11(6) Snook in a run inbetween storm Freya - Snow - and tomorrow's storm Gareth. I felt lacking in energy but glad I got out there. Sent out messages to old friends and got some nice replies. Took tablets.12(5) Note to self: John, put down your phone. Taken tablets.13(5) Brain is being busy. It's not lagging like a slow computer. When it's busy it creates more room so everything is lot more intense and complicated. Shush... Music, candlelight, feet up. Taken tablets.14(5) I'm at my winding down point of the evening but there's so much to do: I need to start my hip exercises and stretches again. Catch up on clothes washing and cat litter. Shower - I stink. Taken tablets15(2) Sending solidarity and hope to all NZ pandas. Especially anyone affected. Thinking of the victims and their families. I'm reading it's a right wing terrorist to blame, these people must be stopped.
(6) https://youtu.be/QSHOmJp5hHg Lots of frogspawn already, the fish won't go hungry. Taken tablets.
16(4) A good result in the football but I've been tired and irritable all day. Taken tablets.17(3) (backdated) I was feeling miserable. Lots of negative thoughts. Took tablets.
18(5) Feel ok. Did a run. Not fast but got me back into it. Sad to read about more terror attacks, this time in the Netherlands. Taken tablets.19(5) (backdated) a tough day, felt irritable, got better towards the evening. Took tablets.20(3) (backdated) Beautiful weather. My city was the hottest place in the country. Forgot morning tablets. Nightmare run. Felt embarrassed and upset by my lack of performance. V Irritable. Took evening tabs21(7) Pleased with my photographs I got when I encountered wild deer twice(!) today on Totley Moor and Big Moor. https://flic.kr/s/aHsmwM1hQq taken tablets.22(3) Miserable, lazy, chocolate. Taken tablets.23(4) 4.5 Watched The Imitation Game. Sad film. Worth watching though. No run today but worked out instead (I should be doing both but I'm not well enough to care). Taken tablets.24(5) So tired but feeling ok. Day out in the sun digging the ground ready for potatoes. Evening with some of my favourite music. Could collapse. Bad sleep for some time but early start tomorrow. Took tabs.
25(6) Run wasn't great but I went and did it. I'm glad to have people to talk to. I'm still find socialising difficult, even online, but so do a lot of people right? I know it's worth it really. Taken tabs.26(6) Felt uncomfortable chatting and joking at volunteering but talked myself around. Bought a wooden cat sculpture and some cassette tapes. The real cat has just turned off my laptop... Taken tablets.27(5) (backdated) It was only yesterday but I can't remember much about it so... 5? Took tablets (and a diazepam in the middle of the night)28(6) Had a nice walk and tram rides. Walked to and around a reservoir, saw a heron up close but didn't have camera. Irritable this morning but good weather helped. A bit floaty from benzos. Took tablets.29No Reasons30(5) Rollercoaster of emotions at football today. Great atmosphere, but poor performance and wrong result. Disappointed and upset. Secretly pleased with how I coped around 30,000 other people. Took tabs.31(4) (Backdated) Spent time with my Mum on Mother's Day (UK and Ireland - don't worry elsewhere you haven't missed it). Wanted to do other stuff but did the right thing. Felt like a lazy option. Took tabs.
April
MTWTFSS
1(5) Went to the shop twice. That's about it. Taken tablets.2(3) Feeling completely apathetic. Lacking in motivation. Finding a little bit of inspiration from listening to an episode of Falling Forward podcast with one of favourites: Chipzel! Taken tablets.3(5) Another lazy day but met friendly people doing a litter pick this morning. It felt nice to be involved and to help. Had ultra spicy stir fry not long ago, my mouth is still burning. Taken tablets.4(6) Not looking forward to tomorrow but I'm feeling good today. Taken tablets.5(5) Got in some help and made a start on backlog of washing and tidying. Feeling better. Mood declined quickly after posting yesterday evening. Going to make sure I do nice things tonight. Taken tablets.6(5) Enjoyed my run despite getting cuts on my toes due to slack toe nail care. Going to try and do some leg and hip exercises this evening... Already feeling lazy and procrastinating. Taken tablets.7(5) I don't have much confidence in the things I say. I go over and over things that have just happened. Even if it's just small talk or inconsequential, it always seems a big deal. It's not. Taken tabs.
8No Reasons9(5) A big milestone birthday for my Mum. Had a nice day and short walk. Met a new support worker, seemed nice. Got threatened by some kids acting hard. It's sad they've got nothing better to do. Took tabs10(7) The photograph of a black hole makes me think how lucky we are by chance to be part of existence. Everything is special, magical, and so impossibility weird. Nothing we strive for ultimately matters.11No Reasons12(5) I've successfully avoiding doing exercises, stretching, and running for almost a week. I've been busy. Next run not til Wednesday? I don't feel guilty at all and that disappoints me. Taken tablets.13(5) That feeling when you copy and paste the same messages to your three best friends because you are in desperate need of some attention. That feeling is now. Who'd had thought? Taken tablets.14(7) https://johntownshend.bandcamp.com/album/provisional-3-2 Very proud of this album I made over the last year and a bit. Name your price download - feel free to pay nothing. Not taken tablets yet.
15(6) Had a nice meal with a friend I'd not seen for a while. Got the cat to the vets for his booster vaccine. Gave a drawing I'd done to my support worker and he was genuinely overjoyed. Taken tablets.16(5) Another nice day, another day without significant exercise, starting to get slightly more concerned about whether I will be able to run satisfactorily tomorrow. I'll definitely try. Taken tablets.17(5) (Backdated) Realised I'd missed a dentist appointment. Wondered why it had mysteriously disappeared from my calendar. It was yesterday. Did a run it was ok until I got chased by a dog. Took tablets.18(4) Limited contact with the outside world because I am feeling sick of being incapable of so many basic things. Wallowing in self pity. Tomorrow should be different but it can't come quickly enough.19(7) A sleepless night. Entire playthroughs of Trout Mask Replica and Rock Island taken with two pots of strongly mashed tea. All is more or less well again.20(6) (Backdated) A very warm, sunny day stuck inside watching men hit balls around a table for nearly 4 hours and I had to pay for it AND the match isn't even over yet. Great stuff. Took tablets.21(6) Got compliments and insults off a group of giddy teenagers I passed by earlier today. Quite flattered overall. Cat has been adventurous and been on the doorstep most of the day. Taken tablets.
22(6) I bet there are some cracking poems about ceramics. Taken tablets.23(5) Felt uncomfortable at a meeting that was to shape a new mental health service for the city. Although we managed to change their terrible plans a bit. I don't like interacting in groups of people.24(5) https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-47965467 I'm no athlete and only run 3 times a week but I'm not going to feel as bad eating a lot of food after reading this. Taken tablets.25(4) Had an ok day but I got a bit shaken by some news about a friend. I'm tired. Took tablets early due to early meal.26(5) Feeling lazy and content. Volunteering was slow today. There was nothing to do. It got me out of the house but I would rather have been walking somewhere nice. The remains of storm Hannah visit soon.27(8) Today Sheffield United got all but promotion* to the Premier League! Taken tablets. *Technically we might not be promoted but that would mean us losing our last game and Leeds winning 7 - 0 twice.28(5) I wish I could make people feel better. Not being able to help is something I can usually rationalise but recently I've been feeling tired and lacking motivation so can't. Nice walk. Taken tablets.
29(5) I don't feel good but I don't feel bad. Once again I have little confidence in things I say and do. Must paint tomorrow. Taken tablets.30(5) Feeling perpetually tired. Not enjoying doing nothing as much as I usually do. Trying to do more things but lacking energy. Can't focus well but I'll try and accept that and wait it out. Taken tablets
May
MTWTFSS
  1(4) Tired. Skipped the last two runs I had planned. Niece's birthday was nice. Feel lazy. Don't really care. Rain tomorrow. Taken tablets.2(6) A really good walk. Great views. Sun and rain. Lots of food. Director's cut of a kung fu film on. Taken tablets.3(5) I slept horrifically badly. Morning and evening were really good. Had a massive dip in mood in the afternoon. Rediscovered a game I'd left alone for )6 months. Made progress, escaped! Taken tablets.4(6) (Backdated) Another day without a run. Enjoyed the snooker. Had a nice walk with my Dad. He really enjoyed it, nice to see him as happy as that despite his pain. Taken tablets.5(5) The laziest day. My flat is not America but it is in a state. Need get all the rubbish in a bin. Do loads of washing. Dust. Wash dishes. Clean surfaces. Behind but not feeling guilty. Taken tablets.
6(5) Cleaned up flat a bit and felt better about myself. Winding down in the evening thinking about getting out and meeting people but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't scare the shit out of me. Taken tabs7(4) Got tetchy with my Mum on the phone. Otherwise I've been ok. Run was disappointing but at least I went. Going to give myself a haircut and beard trim. Feel a bit unkempt. Grateful for my cat. Took tab8(6) Litter pick in the rain this morning was good. Feels nice to clean up area I live in. Afternoon was less good waiting in all day for a delivery and a cancelled visit. On to tomorrow. Taken tablets.9(6) A lovely chat on the phone to a certain Panda McPandaface and a very rainy walk over the moors. Ended up catching the bus to the city centre and bought fruit at market closing prices. Taken tablets.10(5) Today has been easy due to taking diazepam before my dentist appointment. Got lots of cleaning done with a bit of help. Despite being relaxed, it has been disappointing.... Taken tablets.11No Reasons12(5) Nice day helping out at the allotment. The shed bird box has residents: Great tit chicks. Exciting to see the adults popping in a few times a minute with a mouthful of flies and worms. Taken tablets.
13(6) Nice run in the sun today. Thankfully it's a warm sun rather than a hot one. I comparatively don't understand some social situations it's like I'm on the austistic spectrum. Taken tablets.14(5) Taken tablets.15(4) Full of snot, headache, and cold. Determined to get outside tomorrow. Ordered a ridiculous new lens for my camera, I'll have to not spend much this summer, still looking forward to it. Taken tablets.16(5) Remembered I have some cold and flu tablets in the cupboard. Taken tablets.17(4) (Backdated) Still full of cold. Got out and walked. Enjoyed it but not as much as usual. Took tablets.18(5) The chicks must have fledged yesterday but I only got down there with my camera today. Most one sided FA Cup final I've seen. Eurovision later. Taken tablets.19(3) Feel lowsy for reasons that I don't want to repeat that I discussed with a friend. Felt good to get it all off my mind. Taken tablets
20(1) 21(2) Struggling. Yes, things could be worse. Yes, I've been like this before and got better. Yes, I've currently got a temporary physical illness contributing to the mood. I still feel shit. Took tablets.22(3) Still feel unwell. In a desperate attempt to keep my mind awake I have made plans to write a short story. Quite enjoyed thinking of names for characters but obviously that's an easy bit. Took tablets.23(4) Don't forget to vote in the European elections today! ?
(4) Starting to feel better, dare I say? Although it's just gone 18:00 and it's already feeling like it's been a long day. At least I feel up for a walk tomorrow. Voluntary work, not sure... Taken tablets
24(6) Nice walk, volunteering, and bad maths at the pub. 6/10. Still got a cold. Taken tablets.25(4) Still recovering slowly from this cold/chest/stomach/headache clusterfuck and associated mood. Still have little motivation to do significant exercise anytime soon. Taken tablets.26(4) Lacking motivation but not ideas. Taken tablets.
27(5) Watched play off final as a neutral in the pub. Was alright. Nursed one drink for 2 hours to save money haha! I'm a tight get. A few bad night's sleep - tired. Litterpick tomorrow. Taken tablets.28(4) What am I doing? Not much. Very bland day. Taken tablets29(6) Ahhh! The difference a bit of tidying makes. Rest of the day listening to music and at the allotment building a composting place out of pallets. ? Taken tablets.30(4) Feel guilty and innocent. My timing is bad. I'm not picking up on people's mood well when I could just ask but fail to. I feel energetic but am not using it well. Taken tablets.31(5) Going to try and run tomorrow. Haven't run or done any stretching or strengthening for almost a month. Still got a bit of cold but it's getting better. Feeling a bit better mentally. Taken tablets.
June
MTWTFSS
     1(5) Updated to Android 9.0. MoodPanda won't open. The android 'app' or web container (lets be honest) hasn't been updated since 2017. Will it get fixed? I wonder...2(5) My cat likes his new toy. My brain is full of doubts but ok overall. Taken tablets.
3No Reasons4(6) Didn't do the exercise I wanted to do and too tired now. Maybe tomorrow after the litter pick... Keep daydreaming about sleeping next to a deserted pebble beach. Want to make it reality. Taken tablets5(7) Had a right nice takeaway - my treat for my parents. Successful litterpick got 5 or 6 big bags from two people in one hour. Gotta get home and feed the cat. Need to start exercising! Taken tablets.6(6) 10 mile walk with a 580m scramble up some hills. Really enjoyed it. Glad to be home. The bus back took ages through rush hour traffic. I really enjoy chatting to my best friend recently. Taken tablets7(5) Not much sleep. Today has been a day of waiting for nothing. Nothing came eventually so I wrote some stuff down here: https://johntownshend.com/wordpress Taken tablets.8(5) Got some music done. Ate way too much food. Tired! Some good thoughts. Some bad thoughts. Lots of thoughts neither good nor bad which years ago I may have thought bad. Taken tablets.9(5) Not achieved much but my cat has. His first day jumping in and out the window (ground floor) and not being scared! Busy day tomorrow. Got to tidy for gas inspection and go to volunteering. Taken tabs.
10(6) Quite enjoyed today. Mostly tidy enough for the GAS MAN!!! (A.J L will get that reference) tomorrow. Got the cat treat dispenser toys from volunteering. Got food from Aldi this morning. Taken tablets.11(5) Enjoyed phonecalls today. Didn't do much otherwise. Gas man check was fine. Taken tablets.12(6) Chatted with local ex panda? online about fish women and short hair. Also was thinking about how I was a highly strung and very frightened person. I still am. I just don't hate myself for it anymore.13(3) Very anxious all day. Taken tablets.14(6) Lots of anxiety and don't feel like myself. But, inspired by Jeff bear I ran through the rain today. My first run in over 6 weeks. Waiting for bus to Aldi. Worried but pleased. Taken tablets.15(5) Tired. Done nothing today. Taken tablets.16(5) Yesterday was a 4.5. Today 5.5. Had a nice run. Dad was pleased with his gift. Haven't done anything creative this weekend but I'll try and make up for that tomorrow. Maybe tonight... Taken tablets.
17(7) Today I have been thinking about some of the great, talented and inspirational women in my life. So I made a playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5kAHPpB28wxq6v0UKCeOseGWzOmYmggc Took tabs18(6) I was having a bad time from the moment after I posted last - full of fear, unease, and jealousy, so about an hour ago I talked to a panda I want to name but won't and it all went away. Taken tablets.19(5) It's been an ok day. Eaten loads but I'm back running so I don't mind. My mind is not completely settled. Listening to cricket on the radio on a cool day with spots of rain. Could be worse. Took tabs.20(6) Done a nice painting. Talked about things. Been outside. Taken tablets.21(5) A win for my fav team in the cricket against one of the teams I 'should' support. Couldn't lose! Had a good think about the butterfly effect part of chaos theory and it's insignificance to my life.22(6) Enjoyed walking with my Dad today. Taken tablets23(5) Watching Video Assistant Referee vs Cameroon in the Women's World Cup... Taken tablets.
24(4) (backdated) Too many bad nights sleep. Took tablets.25(4) Still lacking sleep. Taken tablets.26(3) Awake again. I woke up 40 minutes ago after around 3 hours sleep. I shouldn't be on my phone or even have it in my room. Nor should I put pressure on myself to sleep because it's a viscous circle.
(4) Got a walk tomorrow. Got to deliver leaflets for the library and do online sales at the shop on Friday. I'm falling behind on running again. Going for a long one at the weekend.Taken tablets.
27(7) Last night I took a sleeping tablet and slept well. Today I had a beautiful walk in the sun with a cooling wind blowing over the hills. Busy day tomorrow so trying not to get anxious. Fav LPs on soon.28(5) 45.9°C/114.6°F in France today. (Panda)Bear in mind that Europe is hottest 2 months from now... Unbelievable! Busy day survived! Hooray. Mmm had some nice fatty food. Tired now. Taken tablets.29(5) Hottest day of the year in the UK. Today Sheffield was hotter than LA, Ibiza, Canary Islands, Miami, Mexico City, Marrakesh, Barcelona and many more hot places. I have been feeling irresponsible...30(6) Gwisgo siorts gyda poced bach yn y cefn. Dwi wedi blino yn y cartref. Mae'r tywydd yn gymylog ac wyntog. Rwyf wedi cymryd meddyginiaeth.
July
MTWTFSS
1(6) Recorded meows. Finished off music. Bought train tickets. Bought food. Made video. Started to render video. Program crashed. Made video more simple and lessened quality. Started render. Took tablets.2(5) Did a long run for me. Pleased but it was very slow. Never ran that far before though. Mood has been a bit low but picked up a bit. I guess I'm worrying. Feel like I can't get my words out. Taken tabs3(8) I am at home. Physically I am inside but emotionally I am amongst the birds and trees; conversing with them whilst plucking ideas from the night sky. I feel fragile and weak; yet supple and adaptable.4(6) ?????????????????????????????? pick an emoji. Taken tablets.5(7) (backdated) Ran 7.5 miles. Furthest I've been. Very pleased. Taken tablets.6(5) (backdated) Dug up potatoes. Aching after a long run day before.7(4) (backdated) Ran and hurt my left ankle and right buttock. Took tablets.
8(10) Thank you Steffie! ???????????9(4) (backdated) Feeling like I'm lacking in something. That it's that vague is probably a sign my feeling is rooted in nothing. Trying not to worry. Took tablets.10(6) Tired but good. Taken tablets.11(6) Watching Cote d'Ivoire vs Algeria. Interesting match so far. Nice walk today. Thunderstorms forecast but haven't arrived yet. Bought some no added sugar chocolate it's not bad! Goal! We have a game...12(5) (backdated) didn't run. Volunteered. Took tablets.13(4) (backdated) went to a football match with my Dad. Didn't run or do housework. Took tablets14(6) (backdated) Watched cricket all day. Taken tablets.
15(4) Went to allotment. Didn't run or do housework - it's getting on top of me. Feel like glands in my neck are swollen. Taken tablets.16(5) (backdated) can't remember how I felt but I took my tablets.17(6) (backdated) felt good despite tight hamstrings and calf. Laying off the running for a while. Took tablets18(6) (backdated) had a lovely walk. Took tablets.19(4) (Backdated) Felt like a long stressful day. Took tablets.20No Reasons21(5) Play my Mario Maker 2 course. ID: XH2-W09-80G
22(4) Taken tablets. Took them yesterday too.23(5) (Backdated) Another day feeling ok24(6) (Backdated) Enjoyed time with niece and nephew it was their last day of school. Took tablets.25(3) Meltdown literally and figuratively. Tomorrow will be cooler. Some very positive things but a real roller coaster. Taken tablets.26(2) Feel awful. Going to phone mental health team on Monday. Really starting to kick myself in the teeth at every opportunity. I can't give in. I've got to get through this. Taken tablets.27(3) (backdated) I felt bad. Took tablets.28No Reasons
29(7) (Backdated) Had an excellent time at a music festival. It made me feel like less of a hermit. A few minor dramas and stress but I coped. Discovered some very good bands! Took tablets.
(6) Still pleased with myself. Glad I didn't lose anything at the campsite because I'm so forgetful in the short term. Got very little sleep. Recovering now. On a wave. Happy to be home. Taken tablets.
30(7) (backdated) MoodPanda upgrade on the old advanced tab! Very welcome! Thanks Jake. Took tablets.31(5) Anxious about tomorrow. I want to read but concentration is not here today. Anxious but relaxed about it. Thursday last week was horrible. I want to improve the memories I keep. Taken tablets.
August
MTWTFSS
   1(5) (backdated) Was an ok day. Took tablets.2(5) Took tablets3(6) https://youtu.be/Abet-OycQpE going to try and run tomorrow... that's ok but I need to get fit and injury free for my race in September, this means actually doing strength and stretching. Taken tablets4(4) (Sunday) took tablets.
5(4) (Monday) took tablets6No Reasons7No Reasons8No Reasons9(5) (Tuesday) took tablets
(5) (Wednesday) Ran. Took tablets.
(6) (Thursday) Walked 20km. Took tablets.
(5) Thinking a lot about misunderstandings although I am to blame. Time is a healer. Moods are temporary however bad they are, it doesn't stop them being awful, but it is worth remembering. Taken tablets.
10(6) 1 - 1. Could've won it on another day. Feeling like there could may well be three teams worse than us this season. Hopeful. Taken tablets.11(6) Was the local festival but I wasn't in the mood so I didn't stay long. Listened to some music at home. Donated some possible theme music for a podcast. Bought two expensive jumpers on ebay. Took tabs.
12(6) (Monday) Did some shopping at the cheapest shops possible. Taken tablets13(5) (Tuesday) Swap this rating with Wednesday I mixed the days up: Had interview for extra volunteering. Anxious about nothing as it turned out. Took tablets14(6) (Wednesday) can't remember what I did... I think I was at the allotment for some quiet time... Took tablets15(5) (Thursday) Had a nice walk. It was very windy. Took tablets16(4) (Friday) Getting a cold. Took tablets17(2) Worst morning ever. An enormous furnace of radioactive burning gas just pitched up on the horizon and blasted my bedroom full of luminous energy. Fuming! ? It's almost everyday at this point...
(8) (Saturday) was great. I ran. Had an amazing conversation with my favourite on WhatsApp afterwards. Took tablets.
18(6) (Sunday) Sheffield United won. Watched it on TV as tickets were expensive. Had a nice day. Took tablets.
19(3) Today was difficult. Tough session with support worker in the morning. Not progressed as much as I'd thought. I'm stressed and my communication has been poor. Worrying I've upset people. Took tabs.20(6) (tuesday) Did cross training on my parent's exercise bike. I felt quite strong. Encouraging. Took tablets21(5) (wednesday) Did a run but was tired when I stopped. Didn't do much else all day apart from clothes washing and a little music. Took tablets22(4) Today I had a little walk. Support worker rolled his ankle so it took ages getting home. He was ok didn't need frozen peas on them apparently. I changed a painting going to add detail later. Took tabs23(7) I am getting better at identifying the feeling of 'feeling loved' hopefully I can be more accepting with my feelings and myself in the future. Having amazing people in my life helps too. Taken tabs24No Reasons25No Reasons
26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31No Reasons
September
MTWTFSS
      1No Reasons
2No Reasons3No Reasons4No Reasons5No Reasons6(3) (Backdated more or less everyday to 23rd August because fuck doing all that individually...) Been having a low patch. I see glimpses of what I could have but really I've got to focus on what I've got.
(5) Had a lovely walk and took some photos. Photography is a good opportunity to be mindful and take opportunity but I tend to stick to pre thought out plans and forget detail in the moment. Taken tablets
(4) Feeling like I'm trying extra hard to achieve the same old results. Evenings are becoming the most difficult time of day. No sleep so took sleeping tablet late. Slept until 1230 in the afternoon.
7(6) Looks like updates! Hooray! I've tried to reply and hug but it's not working for me at the moment. I'm sure the site will be feeling better soon! Jake is working hard to improve it.8No Reasons
9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons12(7) I'm feeling really good. A good run yesterday made me feel strong and fast. I'm going to stop writing 'taken tablets' because I'm not using this everyday anymore so there's no point.13(1) There I go crashing down. I'm going to phone the mental health team in the morning because I have fallen to pieces.14(3) A special thanks to all the deities that have ever been believed in by any animal for relaxing music in particular, also thanks to the musicians and their loved ones, and of course my cat.15No Reasons
16No Reasons17No Reasons18(7) This peaceful state of mind feels as unreal as the days my innermost turmoil is on the surface. It doesn't stop me milking every second. I get nothing done when I feel good or when I feel bad.19(4) 6am... I've had next to no sleep... Shall I wake up, put the kettle on, drink tea, and tidy the flat to beautiful music whilst the sunrise shines through my window? No. Thought not...20No Reasons21No Reasons22(10) 48:04 first ever 10k... I wish I had trained better but still pleased with a difficult run through the rain. Got a nice medal and a t shirt.
23No Reasons24No Reasons25(6) Brain feels all over the place. Mad and frightening thoughts coming from nowhere. Simultaneously with a focus that I haven't experienced in years. I took advantage and read a big chunk of a book.26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons
30No Reasons