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January
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2(3) I feel weak because of the meds. I think I made a mistake I took them. But I don't blame myself!.Those in pain will try everything to cure the source of the suffering.3(3) The family arrived at the house.They put in the oven food without bottom. And all the crumbs go inside. I like to keep the house clean and tidy, Unlike them. But how do I take the crumbs out of the4(1) I had bad dreams. This is going to be the worst day. I have nothing to do about it,just wait for day to pass5(1)
6(1) 2 is better than 1. but it still 2 with a bit of more hope. to correct and repair7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9(2) Feeling low.10(4) feeling better. calm. Still worries11(3) I'm so mad at him right now. I need to find someone else ASAP. So I won't have to deal with him anymore
(3) I have a work next week. I won't let him ruin to me. The day before the low, he got in touch. When he's not in contact for a long time, I'm fine. Then he contacts me and I down.
(1) I can't sleep.Im crying. I want to stop crying because of him. That's all I'm asking. I'd like to write to him at the moment and then get to the point where I'll tell him everything.
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13(2) Feeling sad. Something happens to all the people I know. One is pregnant.The second is divorced. The third is getting married. Just nothing to me.I can't go on like this anymore14(1) He causes me so much pain. I'm not the one who contacted him! I was really okay for two months. I didn't think of him. I didn't care that he might be with another.15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16(1) The only day I slept well. I had to make long trips. The thing I hate the most. A day of travel is always a nightmare.17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(1) I tried to get out a little. to my fam. Being with the dog I love. And nothing helps. All my plans. My goals on hold. I need to let go, again
20(2) I miss my old me. That I wasn't afraid to show love and didn't think I committed to it. That someone loved me and that didn't stress me out. I had money. And a car to drive. One of the things I21(3) I'm going to have a weekend not alone. With family and other people invited. I'm afraid I'll feel more alone and worse. Around people, I feel more alone.
(1) You're trying so hard to get out of this bad mood, so hard. Then people around you see that you feel a little better, smiling, happy. And they take you down with their words.
22(3) After what they told me yesterday, I made a decision. My life is just as important as the rest of their children. I will learn to answer. And protect myself. I deserve23(4) I don't know why, but I feel an urge to contact him. I would even agree to meet. I think that will change when the PMS arrive. But I don't know if I'll hold on until then
(5) I will try to stay strong and wait for PMS.
24(5) Nice Day. I got a haircut. If I had no sore throat it was better. Still thinking about him. But make no contact. It's harder when I have people around. But I will have to hold on until Monday.
(2) More news for someone from the family. For me..the same and even worse. No one care or ask how I'm. If I need something..nothing
(4) It was nice today though. But I understood. I learned. I deduced. I have to start taking care of myself. Because no one else will do it for me
25(1) He is just blocking me. And write to me 'I'm busy', Just ready to meet. And until then block'. I'm with people and can't even cry. Why I fall for it again.26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
27(2) Sometimes I feel like I'm turning myself off for them.
(2) I don't know why. I really try to get up every morning and cope with the world. I had a terrible day and because of things that didn't depend on me.
(2) This moment I feel like I don't want him. What I need him for. He's bad for me. I want quiet from him. I have to remember that. Because it passes
28(1) I'm going to cancel a job on Thursday because of him made me cry now. I know I need to let go. Because I deserve someone to be good to me. I'm working on getting stronger again from the inside29(4) I didn't sleep all night (I cried because of him). But I got up full of energy. Don't know what to do with it. I exercised.I cleaned up. I arranged.
(1) I want to go back to the days I let go and could not answer him.I want to be able to block him everywhere. And don't look back.And before that, write him that he hurt me. Made promises. And deceived
(2) I talked to a good friend who knew me. And she helped me remember that I'm a good girl, I deserve someone better.
(3) I just happened to hear the song Fields of Gold. And it made me cry (again)
30(2) I got the cold. I have no appetite. I haven't slept in four days. And my dad didn't bring me the pills for the cold I asked for. So I suffer without pills.31(3) I really can't fall asleep,it's like I lost that capacity. I guess I'll have to go to the doctor.I suppose it's because of the stress of the last few days and the crying that I cried because of him
(3) My dad bring me the meds today for the cold. I haven't fallen asleep yet. For sure it's because of him. Thanks to my friend, I stay sane.
February
MTWTFSS
     1(4) I managed to sleep 4 hours after taking anticold med. But when the effect over, I woke up at three in the night. I still have lots of energy! But I don't have anyone to share it with. And feels alone2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3(4) I feel the pain of losing someone. I made plans for the next few days. I hope I don't cancel them. Going to my mom can be a refreshing change for a few days. But she may be so blaming to me that I
(6) It feels better to erase things related to him. Not seeing when he's connected. Focus on myself. To remember that I was in a low place with him. Asking myself questions whether I felt good
4(5) I felt good all day! But then an old friend called. He is in a bad state of mind and it made me sad. Then I thought about H and the weekend coming alone.
(4) Now that I feel alive (and less body pain)I have no one to share it with. H promised that he would wait exactly for that day. For years he was chasing and promising.
5(6) Deleting related things to him makes me feel good, the best solution is not to think about it, to accept it is over, so I can look clearly forward.6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7(5) Got ill again. Appointment to doctor only on Tuesday. My lungs hurt. But I remain positive. Want to recover in order continue focusing on my goals
(3) Feeling lonely. Maybe I made a mistake and now it's too late :(. Don't know where all the encouraging thoughts, that told me I deserved better, gone.
8(3) I can't just move on when the last conversation ended like everything was fine. I have a lot to say. And I can't think of just ignoring everything that sits in my heart. I'll wait for tomorrow9(5) Feeling better. I know it's better for me the quiet from him. I have time for myself. Because I didn't have it when contact with him. But I also know he can manipulate.
(5) I don't really want to go to the doctor on Tuesday. Because it's an hour drive, but he said come back and now I don't want to cancel, because he's ok, and I told him I will come back
10(3) I just saw his comment for someone on Facebook. Because she has mutual friends. And it just disgusts me but also makes me feel angry and sad for all he did to me11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12(2) Feeling low. Maybe also because I was traveling yesterday. In a crazy cold to the doctor. I came back ill with no energy. And the person I thought (even if he wasn't a good partner) was a good friend,
(3) I feel alone. There are people I can talk to. But the only person I would feel able to calm me down in conversation doesn't speak to me. I know he was obsessed with me and maybe that's for the better
(4) He hasn't contacted me in two weeks. And I didn't contact him too. And I have to keep focusing on myself. Because I don't want to contact and I hope I'll never contact him again. Because it bring me
13(1) He wasted my time. With false promises. He promised to wait for me that he love me. Beg me not to move on, cried, wrote letters. Swear,and more. And I'm so angry at him. Because he took me six
(5) I talked to someone new. And we talked for two hours and it was really nice. I'm not saying that something will happen, because it takes me a long time to open up to new people. But I do say that
(4) I feel a little insecure and tired. I'm not calm. I told the new guy we could meet next week. But now I'm not sure I'm ready to meet.
14(3) If he calls me and offers to meet, it's not good for me. Because it's been a while since the last call. Since the fall. I started to get up. And I don't want to go back. Fall again to dark15(4) I have so many fears. That H will contact. That h will not contact. That I will destroy with the new guy. I'm not a person pushing in a new connection, I don't know if the new guy will be smart
(1)
16(2) I know it's weird. But the new guy made me completely forget about H. And I'm afraid I've ruined everything. Because of something I said. Because I said we might not meet this week and we won't
(1) I feel like nothing is happening in my life. Although I'm trying. I have to compromise. But even when I try to compromise it doesn't work.
17(1)
(1) I think I caught sore throats from people around me. I have no more powers. I don't think the new guy is right for me anymore. I need someone more initiative. And I'm always with hopes at first
(2) I knew someone, who was inrteresting but I had no communication with him.I could talk to him for an hour. But not about deeper things. I couldn't continue the connection. Although I felt assurance
18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(6)
(2) I was more than okay. But H called. After talking to him, I feel insecure. Bad, with no hope at all
(4) After a not nice conversation. He sent messages, a little threatening. But I didn't answer. I remember my fall a month ago I answered and went back to talk.
20(2) It's like a nightmare. H tries to take me down. With unending messages and phone calls. He blames me. threatening. And that he will move on to hurt me. At first I thought I would agree to meet.
(1) He continues to send messages from morning.Threats up to now. I try to ignore. But it's such a nightmare. That it lowers me very much. He came to me.
21(4) He continues to send me blaming messages. He writes that he wishes me bad things. It's so frustrating because I want to end any connection with him. He no longer attracts me in any way.22(1) And it keep going. His messages Please God help me. If he were to write an apology. Or something nice that was fine. But he just blames and wishes me bad things.
(5) I'm looking forward. That, will not break me ?. I know I deserve better
23(5) Planning my week
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(4) I gave myself time just to rest. I guess that's ok. That's what my body needed. After the trauma I went through28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
      1(5) I managed to do some things today, but still distance with the world
2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(5) I stretched a muscle in my back leg, during exercise. And I can hardly walk. It's like moving from his place. What can I do? I don't want to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. And you hate5(4) I don't want to feel like I'm complaining,but. I feel without energy. I exercised today and the leg is better. And I have some goals that I need to remind myself of at such moments.6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7(5) I have an event in a week. I checked clothes with my sister today and it was nice. I also have to get back to myself to balance. And not letting feelings take over me.8(4) I was afraid I would be disappointed. Now I feel I'm going to be disappointed. But that's just a lesson for my feelings,.When is it true and when is it false.
(5) I succeeded today to focus on myself, my goals. And control my feelings. There is more work to do though.
(4) I feel stupid. That I thought something good could come of it. I always attract those guys who love a lot of women. And they can't be trusted. And I just need a man who loves one woman.
9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10(4) Thinking about going to my mom for a few days. But it's hard for me to think about the travel one hour. And I don't feel like I want to meet the new guy now because,I feel that as time goes on
(3) I can't travel at the moment because of the Corona. So I'll stay home. Feeling alone because it seems to me that there will no longer be a meeting. Maybe he gave up. one of the qualities
11(5) I fell asleep until nine in the morning. Because I don't sleep well at night. I'm still in very stress. Hope it'll be fine.12(5) The world goes crazy. And my country, too. There will be no work in the next month and a half. (Closing the school). But I'm in a positive mood. Even smiling. And I decided in spite of the
(4) My expectations are about to explode. It's OK. It's just on the way to my one. Maybe he had an important role in helping me forget about H. I just hope that it won't do the opposite.
(4) Scared to death to feel. It's as if out of my control. I do everything to control from the thought, but that emotion is strong. Afraid to ruin it by my fears.
13(4) I don't think I can feel any more tham this. Am I only imagining?14(4) I don't know how to keep myself from this strong feeling I feel. Even when I don't think,it's in the body all the time and doesn't give me rest. I'm afraid he'll disappoint me
(1) I talked to him. I was stressed. He said he only interested in the project.But there are a lot of issues around to move forward with the project. So I don't know what to do. And I don't know
(1) My country closed everything. There is no public transport. All employees went on vacation. Everything is closed. And it is forbidden to leave the houses. It feels like a war to me. And I'm alone
(2) I will find someone to love me and I love him back. Obviously I imagined. That the new guy isn't the one who's supposed to love me. But everything is fine. I will get up and continue on my way.
15(3) I listened to the conversation again. It was really hard to hear myself speak. But I have to be more eazy and cool. I listened to learn from that. I have to learn to believe in myself. Don't know
(4) Yesterday, he kept saying that I was the one who told him I just wanted to be about the project. I also told him it was true. So I'm still confused. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's fine.
(1) I feel like I'm not going anywhere. Any option that opens closes. All hope becomes a disappointment. There is war outside. And everyone is home and it is a nightmare because there is no privacy.
(1) I don't know why my mood is so low. He is being kind and patient to me right now. I just feel like I'm ruining it. Because of my poor mood.
16(1) Why he lives so far away from me?:((((((
(1) I am in constant tension. Because of the corona, because of my country that went crazy and continues to go crazy. But mostly because of the new guy. I'm scared. That he will disappoint me. Today H
17(2) I met with him. For the second time. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I asked him about the connection he answered 'we'll do what you want' and it annoyed me. I hope I can let go of him soon
(3) All day I managed to distract myself. And now at night I miss him again. And we're not talking. Just about the project. And just 'if I want' as he said and the project has nothing more to talk about
18(5) Our country puts all residents in the house and isolation. Follows and monitor people inside and outside homes. But they don't see that it doesn't help to sow fear and panic. And the number of
(4) It was all day at home.And..I got toilet paper!. I need an urgent pharmacy. If I don't go tomorrow, After tomorrow I can no longer go. My family asked me not to go. But I have to buy
19(5) When you ask someone, do you want me to update you (on the project and my progress)? And he answers, 'only if you want. And whatever you want I'll do'. Does he want to or not.. He confuses me
(4) I miss him. I don't know if the time will pass he will forget me. Maybe he thinks we're done with the project and that's it. In any case, there is no update in just two weeks. So I'll have to wait
(3) 3 days without talking to him. I think I ruined everything. Because I didn't think too much. I was not me
20(1) I woke up with big anxiety. fear.21(4) I'm the one who told him I just wanted a connection, about the project. (At the beginning of the first meeting). But things have changed. I don't know how to say it
(4) I decided to put myself back in balance, back to myself. I have a week now to do it (at home anyway and not allowed to go out)
22(3) It's really hard to be home all day. I need to talk to my mom. And I'm not allowed to visit her. And it can take weeks and months. I don't have anyone to share right now. The guy
(1) I feel stupid. Why did I think he cared about me. Those who care, they make contact.
(4) I feel tired. I don't feel like doing anything. Just eat and sleep. I don't want to do anything at home. I want to forget about this bad dream. Time does not move. Please God make this silence is over
23(3) I feel like he just asked me how I was. Because that's who he is. He cares about other people. Not necessarily specific to me. I said I'd wait for him to write so I could open everything to him.24(4) Trying to calm down. I can't bring back the past. And if I caused the distance between us both. It's because of me. And the way to fix it is ??to get up and start over. And don't beat myself up for
(5) Today I allowed myself to rest without guilt. I'm allowed. I'm in quarantine ?
(4) I felt good. I enjoyed my time in isolation. I moved on. Suddenly H writes me messages he wants to meet. And I didn't answer him, he sent me a picture of another woman (he thought it would annoy me)
25(2) H continues to haunt me. I feel disgusted for him. He keeps trying to ruin my life and waste my time. Although I have been ignoring him for months and have not met him for more than a years.
(5) The new guy has been adding a lot of girls to his Facebook in recent days. I don't know why it annoys me. I feel he may be talking with others in parallel with me too. If he had added boys too
26(5) Feeling that I am in distant. That I distance myself from all the people in the world. A kind of isolation. I'm guessing it's PMS time. *A day number, I stopped counting, in full quarantine.
(1) I'm not allowed to go out, not to see people. The new guy doesn't talk to me since. And there's nothing to talk about. The project is over. And I can't meet him anyway. Because
27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28(1) I'm in complete quarantine. I feel like nothing is happening to me in life. Although I try. I'm going to be quarantined for a long time (unless I run away but I have nowhere to go)I'm not allowed out
(1) Our country is not letting us out. Not even for a short walk. Breathing air. Don't buy food. Food only comes in delivery to home. Not even for medication or a doctor. I have no air right now.
(2) I might try drinking some wine in the evening. I don't like wine. But why not. Actually. The end of the world seems to have arrived. You have to try new things.
(3) I hope this is not a lie. Like the rest of my relationships that only later turned out to be lies. And disappointments. I hope he won't let disappoint.
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
30(3) I wake up in the morning with big anxiety. And now really heavy on my chest. I'm quarantined. And I'm afraid of the future. And I have no air31(4) I'm less afraid of quarantine.I can go outside near the house. But I'm afraid I'll never see him again. Because he lives far away. And not allowed to come
April
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2(2) Time does not pass in this quarantine. I feel like everyone is going out into the world except me. But it's not because of the quarantine. I'm afraid of all the feelings I feel.3(2) I slept for 12 hours. Deep sleep.
(4) I think I'll write to him in a message exactly how I feel. And send it. Because if I can't meet him. So he deserves to know how I feel and not try to guess. After that I'll know that I won't regret
(3) I have no one to talk to in this quarantine. Something stuck in communication with the new guy. We've known each other for almost two months but I still don't feel open to talk to him every
4(3) I can't hear any more noise. There is noise from the neighbors. I can't stand another day that doesn't pass. Like eternity. And there is no hope. The future is dark. It's not going to end.5(4) I miss him so much. And this quarantine doesn't let us meet. And he doesn't know that I miss him.
(3) Is it possible to know someone else in two weeks? And fall in love with her? If she lives close to him. And they can meet every day.
(5) Feels a little better. I cleaned the house. And it feels much better not to be attached to something or someone else. Be busy. And that's a lot of work on positive thoughts.
6(4) My mom talked to me on the phone. And she started telling me about all the closest family my age. Who have a husband and a home and children and careers. And it really doesn't interest me to hear7(3) I met with him. He made an effort and came to me a long way despite the quarantine. Despite the risk. His actions show interest. But I tried to talk about other things besides the project.
(4) I'm going to miss him, painfully. And I didn't tell him how I felt. The weirdest thing. Because I wanted to meet to open all my feelings and I ended up being quiet.
(4) I feel like I've talked too much. Four hours of talk. And he listened. But I was told full of things that it is best not to tell on 3first dates. Again I feel I was mistake and I have to run away.
8No Reasons9(4) As much as I want to believe in his actions that they show interest. I need to listen to the words. And not try to believe in something that doesn't exist because I might crash. And in his own words10(3) I'm so afraid he'll disappoint me. I guess when you're in quarantine alone, fears rise. But they existed before too. And I'm really scared. But I want to get in touch and initiate, because that's11(1) I'm in such a low energy state with these people. That I'm afraid my energy will never go up.
(3) I want to ask him to come again. To talk about what I didn't talk about in the previous meeting. (About my feelings and connection for something other than just a project. Although that's what I asked
(4) Time for some wine in quarantine
(3) He doesn't want to come today. He said it was too dangerous. And although he's right and that's dangerous. I think whoever wants, comes. But I'm very glad I asked. Only then can one know what
12(4) He said he would think about it and then he decided to come. And I felt uncomfortable because he suddenly decided to come just because I asked. I don't know if it's good. Because, like always as soon
(3) When the brief meeting, because of the quarantine, ended. He told me to update him about the project. In the past I asked him if he wanted me to update him he replied 'what you want'. This time he
13No Reasons14(4) I woke up from a dream. Realize he doesn't feel for me. And he doesn't care about me. If he was loving I would know. It's not something you can hide. He doesn't speak to me at all.Not interested.
(4) I realize that if I want it, I will need a lot of initiative here. Get out of my natural state. Be more active. Less passive.
15(5) How many weight did you gain during quarantine?
(5) 5.5, I slept well. And trying to get back to my routine. Breathe. There is always something to say thank you. Nothing is taken for granted. Even this life.
(4) The contact with him is kept 'secret'. Unintentionally. Because of the quarantine. I don't see my mom and don't want to talk about it on phone. A good friend I can't meet. I don't want to burden her,
16(4) I don't know where he disappears for hours once a week from the media. But maybe something I don't know.Woman or children. I want someone to hide nothing from me. And I have no more power to deal
(3) He disappears from the media once a week for 12 hours (not at bedtime). And I just want to end it right now. Because I need someone who wants me enough to give me a sense of assurance in feeling
17No Reasons18No Reasons19(4) Feeling I was wrong. I want to get out of this project. I deserve better than that.
20(4) I need and want to update him about the project. And can't write a message. I feel the distance. It is true that I who should write because this is how we decided to update if there is a new.21(4) I want to ask him to come again.To see him .And talk about what has changed since I told him it was just a project. It's not for phone.But this time I have no reason to ask. The previous time it
(2) I feel like he forgot about me, that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. And that the project is over. Because I didn't update him even though he asked.
(3) Feel that I don't know him at all. Because of the distance and time that passes. Why do I have to be in touch. Why did he make me think he was different. And he didn't. He disappointed me for not
22(5) I feel very distant from him and all. Because of the PMS. It's always like that. Until the period comes. Then I'm communicative again. It might has ruined my connections in the past.23(4) As I thought. And I felt. It still bothers him what was at the meeting two weeks ago. But I apologized. I said I was wrong. Don't know what else can I do. It hurts me that I disappointed him24(4) I remembered today about a first relationship I had. I repressed it so well. He was long before I knew H. At first H was an angel who bring me back the confidence.25No Reasons26(5) Yesterday was a mess. I slept too much. I ate too much. Because of the weekend. I still feel the distance from him.
(2) A day full of thoughts
(2) And again. He disappeared from the media. And the neighbors hear a loud TV, that I can't sleep from the noise. And I can't with where I chose not to be. With noise. And thoughts. I need my quiet.
27No Reasons28(3) I feel like the not lightest person in the world. Think a thousand times about everything. Before I do. From the smallest thing. Which is exhausting.
(3) I feel like every day that goes by without talking to him is like an eternity. I know I've learned to let go so many times before. And I can try to release again. But I just feel full of emotions
(3) Apparently, the quarantine will not end tomorrow. As I thought. But I don't care. Because the truth is a lot nicer to me at home right now. Than outside.
29(5) I woke up today feeling much lighter. (Too bad I didn't have it yesterday when I needed to.) (Thought a thousand times about status. Instead of releasing)30(2) I slept for 12 hours. And a very deep sleep. With nightmares dreams. And I wake up feeling that I wanted to talk to someone and I don't have. The new guy doesn't connected with me on that level of
May
MTWTFSS
    1(2) I slept again for 12 hours. I don't know what's wrong with me
(3) The new guy put a status.Then erase it. But I already read the comments, and find out something he might hide from me.realise that what I was thinking about him hiding something. I don't
(3) I've known him for a while now. And in the last weeks since the meeting he just started acting weird. Write statuses. Delete things, write songs. I don't want to be naive. But maybe it shows he has
2(3) H wrote to me. It's so easy to go back now. When I'm alone. When the new connection fails. When the new guy doesn't give me confidence. But I can't go back. Hope I have power.
(4) I'm afraid I'll have to settle or stay alone.
(3) I feel angry at him right now.Yesterday I felt I was in denial. I guess anger is the second stage. In the process I have no idea what the next stage is.But that's good because I don't want to contact
3No Reasons
4(2) We talked about meeting this week. So I wrote to him today. If he wants to meet today. He answer that he can't. Only maybe a few more days. I'm really angry now. I'm not used to chasing
(3) I talked to my friend. She told me I should let him go. Because he didn't sound serious. But the scariest thing is that right now. After he wasn't nice to me. I feel like I have no feelings
5(3) I'm going to start over and focus on myself. Forgive myself for being wrong. That my feelings have deceived me. I must not trust my feelings. Just common sense and logic.6(1) He postpone the meeting. Which means he's not interested in the project anymore. Which means he's not honest with me. And it annoys me. It is just when they are released that they return.
(3) He is came.We met. I told him nothing about what I wanted to say. I'm really not proud of myself. Because in the morning I asked to come just to say it. And in the end I was tired and
7(4) I always feel good after he comes. And that's the opposite of what was with H. I always felt bad after communicating with him. But I'm afraid it will happen like last time. As time goes on I forget
(4) I realized I have to move on. I can't live in dreams. I don't have time to waste. I can't tell him what I'm feeling. And he doesn't pursue me. It's time to look for someone who purse me
(3) It's just so frustrating that I can't talk to him. I can't share with what I'm going through. I did things today that I'm proud of myself. And wants to share with him (Him and not anyone else)
8(5) I'm really proud of myself for dealing with a problem yesterday and solving it myself!
(2) I fell asleep at noon. And I woke up feeling missing him. We have already met five times and each time I open more. Slowly. But it's hard.
9(2) I feel it's stuped that I liked him. I'm going to focus on myself and forget about it.10(3) I had a bad dream about him.He was bad to me in the dream. And I had a sleepless night. Yesterday he put a meaningless song. I decided to move on with my life. I know it's just a dream but it was bad
(1) I hope he won't disappoint me in real life. Like he did in the dream:(
11(3) I have awful thoughts.Fears he was going to disappoint me. And tell me he's not continuing the project. I don't know what to do with those thoughts. I do know that this12(5) feeling better. Appreciate what I have now. Remember I was in worse places. As with H. And maybe I need time to myself first. Before going into a new connection.
(2) I feel really angry with him now. I regret not saying anything on the day he asked to postpone the meeting. I wanted to say and my friend told me not to say anything. And now I think what was
13(4) I travel outside today. Do some shopping. I thought it would raise my mood.14(5) I have pain.Cramps. And I don't want to go to the doctor. And it's a long time. And I have a doctor's appointment and I'm afraid I'll cancel it15(5) I went to the doctor. I'm glad I did. But I haven't talked to him a week:/and I know it's just a project connection. So it shouldn't be any other way.16(2) I have hard feelings about him right now. I feel he didn't really take the project seriously. This project is important to me. And I want that to succeed.
(2) I feel like my friend has become obsessed with trying to get me away from him. I don't judge her. But I shared with her something specific in that case. Not the whole story. Then it passes.
17(2) I talked to my friend, she is ok. I shared it with her. And she wants the best for me. Sometimes she is protective. But I understand her.
18(1) I feel like I want to end it. Completely. Like I end with H. Because he disappointed me. on that day. I didn't say anything. But that hasn't changed since. I'm sorry I met him. He's not
(1) I tried to talk to him. He gives me nice words. And try get away with it like that. I don't know if he's honest with me or just trying to be nice. I couldn't cut at the moment. My heart
(1) I didn't sleep all night. Not even a minute. I'm still angry with him even though I talked to him, it didn't calm me down. Good luck to me going through the day. And the next few days.
(1) I didn't eat anything today. And I'm not hungry. And I cried all day. I just want to let him/it go.
(1) He told me yesterday what I wanted to say to him for a long time. I wanted to tell him I wanted more than a project. And every time he came I didn't say that. And yesterday in the middle
19(1) H Call today. After yesterday I cried all day because of the new guy. And I just wanted to talk to H. And I cried today too. And today H called and I didn't answer.
(2) I have a headache. I want to progress in life. And whoever doesn't give me progress, I take him out of my life.
20(2) Even though he told me he wanted more than just a project. And that it came from him surprisingly. I still feel low. Still don't understand. Because if he can't see me for another month and a half
(1) I'm going to write him a message, everything I expect.That if he doesn't intend to come. So I cut it. And I really intend to cut. Block off everything.
(1) Now I have to wait. I just hope I remember that if I'm not in first place. I will not stay there. I gave him almost 3 months to decide whether I was in first place or not. And at the previous meeting
21(1) Still in stress. I want to release him for my peace of mind. But I know he's a good person. But I keep pressure him all the time and not letting things happen. And can't get back to myself. And
(1) I can't let go. I didn't exercise today either. I had no appetite.
22(1) I found out by chance some things. I found out why he postponed the meeting. But it's not good for my mood.
(1) He doesn't deserve me. He's a liar. He lied to me all this time. And I found out by myself that he has a child. I don't know how to handle it.
(1) I have to deal with it right. I have faith that everything is happen for the better. And do what is right for me. First of all, calm down. To think.
(2) A fam keeps me bit positive. There is still little doubt about the truth of the matter. That doubt can drive me crazy. Because inside me, I know I'm right.Intuition.
23(1) It doesn't matter if what I found out is true or not. (That's true.) Once he chose to go to his friend. To go to her. I decided it was over between us. It was his choice. It's not my fault that he
(1) I just want to cry. I've been crying for a week. Why did he do this to me. Why he lied. I asked him even before we met if he had children. I asked. And he answered no.
24(2) I'm more calm today. I gave myself a day off. And it seems to me that a years I didn't do it.That I allowed myself to wake up, to write, to not exercise, not cook, not tidy. And
25(1) I'm still not 100 percent sure what I found out is true. I wish I would wake up in the morning and find out I was wrong. And I still hope he wouldn't disappoint me.26(1) I wish I was just imagining all of it in my head.
(2) I think I gave him too much power. And I didn't ask myself. Do I really want it? Do I want someone who doesn't insure me again and again. Someone can be released. But it is a process and it is
27(1) I met with him. I tried to talk to him about it. He was nervous from the beginning of the meeting. I told him everything. I asked if he had a child. He replied 'no'. And said I was just imagining.28(1) All day we argue on the phone and messages. He is constantly angry at me and claims to be hurt by me. And that I don't appreciate his efforts for me. And claims thay I accused him of such29(1) After meeting him despite the argument. I felt very calm. He did everything to explain to me that he had no child. But now, not as the beginning I was afraid to ruin. I'm doing everything to ruin this30(1) Whenever I meet with him I feel good and calm for a few days. It only lasts a few days. But then I fall into tears again and miss him. He doesn't know any of it.
(2) It had to come sometime. I've been at my mom for almost a week. She drives me crazy.
(3) I think I just told my mom everything. That's the most not smartest thing to do.
31(3) I had a good dream about him. Previously it was a bad dream. And he was bad at me in the dream. Now that was a good dream.
(1) Here it comes again. I returned home. And the thoughts returned. And I miss him. And I just want to cry.
June
MTWTFSS
1(2) I feel like I want to let go. But can't. This project currently exists. I can't deny it. impossible to deny it. And there is nothing between us. except that.2(2) My appetite returned. And even too much. I want to write him a message. And talk about our connection where will it go.To the end or not, after I will say my expectasion. At the same time, I am in
(2) I can't believe I was so stupid and naive. That I developed good feelings for some liar. Who lies to me and then accuses me of suspecting him. I can't believe how the feelings can lie to me so much.
3(2) Yesterday I felt that I didn't want to continue the project with him. Now I feel like I'm just afraid he'll disappoint me. Yesterday's feeling is more of letting go. Now that's the4No Reasons5No Reasons6(4) I want this project to over now. I can't imagine another period like that. I prefer my time. I want to end it now. I realize how bad I've been in the last few months.
(5) Earlier I felt calmness. I had no appetite. Sweet calm.
(4) I want my freedom back. I need to end this project with him. This next week. ?
7No Reasons
8(4) I still hope I find out he is telling me the truth.
(4) I feel like I'm in a better place. Relative to where I was a month ago. I had quiet from him and managed to let go a bit. Of all thoughts. And focus on my life. It's too bad that I have to go
9(3) Feeling low. Maybe ending the project makes me feel like there hollow. This has been the thing that has filled me since H. And now empty. I'm also hurt by his lies.10(2) I really don't know what to do with this project. My tension is so high. I want to cut with him so much and I can't because it's connect between us. I feel he doesn't care about me.11(1) I woke up in the middle of the night. I feel he is lying to me and is with someone else now. And I'm going to have a sleepless night again. I'm sick of. I really want to delete his contact now.12(4) I took half a pill for the second time in my life to sleep. And I slept so well. And I no longer have pills like this at home. I have to ask for a prescription.
(4) I got up in the morning with a good news that I could finish the project. It will take some time but it is possible. And I hope I make the right decisions. It's going to be hard for me because I'm
(2) I can't think of anyone to have a connection with, any more than him. I hate that feeling. I hate that he was with a woman yesterday. I hate to feel that way. I want to let go and can't.
(1) The truth is, I don't want to go back to a connection not healthy with H. I just want the new guy not to disappoint me.
(2) H called and left messages reminding me why I didn't want him. I'm trying to let go of the new guy. And I just can't handle everything alone.
13(1) It's so frustrating right now. This guy is so frustrating to me. And takes so much energy from me. When all I want from is not to disappoint me. And he really didn't disappoint me until now. But14(2) I've been suppressing my feelings for 4 months now. That is the time we know. I love him. I want him to love me too and not think or feel of anyone else but me. I want him to show me.
(3) He wasn't nice to me yesterday. He forgot about dates related to the project and I felt it was intentional. He said we needed to talk, but he don't know when he could. In contrast, H is very nice
(2) There are times in the day that I manage to let go. See him as I saw at the beginning, a good person. But it passes.Then I realize I have a pattern inside me. Which is repeated in connections.
15(2) I was with family today. Siblings are married with children. And I'm alone. And I wanted to cry. I just want a man who wants to make me happy. But I can't compromise.16No Reasons17No Reasons18(4) I have to go to the doctor. I have to take care of myself. I just want to let go of this person that makes me feel bad about myself.Defending all the time. Explain myself. He doesn't see that
(3) I went out of balance. No exercises. Not eating right. I have to get back to balance.
19(2) I have to wait for the results to know whether or not to start treatment. Which is exactly why I don't like most doctors. They let me suffer for a few days until the results come. Instead of20(3) Maybe I should press him more. In order to know what he feels. Maybe!?. The main thing is that it won't come in fault of me. So I could let go in peace
(1) I felt calm yesterday. Why is it to get a positive answer on antibiotics. (Not yet but it will come). And negative about the project. Instead of the opposite
(3) I loved him. It's his loss if he doesn't wake up soon.
21No Reasons
22(1) I had an argument with the new guy. He put this whole project on hold. For two months. I just feel hurt by him.
(1) Only yesterday I thought he was my angel on earth. Only yesterday I wanted to write how much I love him. And I didn't write. Because I'm afraid to write good things. For fear they will go away.
23No Reasons24(4) I feel like I tried with the new guy because I was pressured by my society and myself to find someone. And so I agreed to these terms. But I didn't ask myself the questions as to what I wanted.
(3) I wrote to him now. Because I wanted to be okay about the project. And that's the worst feeling in the world. Don't know why I wrote. I feel I am initiate and he responds.
25(3) So yesterday after writing and feeling bad about it. That he is only responding. After this. I let go because I told myself I wouldn't write anymore. So he started writing. And be nice. Today I
(2) He put so many problems into my life. Made me cry for days. Just a month ago I cried day and night because of thinking he haid a child. And now I have to deal with the problems he brought to the
26(3) I signed up for a dating site. I had a hundred messages. I don't even care. I'm out of there. One hundred messages and I find no interest in anyone. I'm just still thinking about H. And about
(4) Feeling good. Feel the feeling of letting go. I don't usually write when I'm feeling good because I'm afraid it'll go away. But it goes anyway. I don't feel dependent on anyone. Right now.
(4) I was so comfortable that the new guy didn't press every day, giving me my time, and I could feel comfortable with him and talk to him. Is it just because two days ago he
(4) I talked to someone on the phone and then he told me I lived too far. Then I remembered the new guy who came to me. And didn't complain that I lived far away. And he didn't ask me to come up to him.
(3) I feel like I just love the not-so-new guy (A)and that's it. I don't want to know anyone else. It is either he or no one else. After our meetings. After he drove all the way to me. After I know him
27No Reasons28(2) Wake up at five in the morning. I had to start treatment a week ago and still waiting for the pills to come. And now I don't know if it will work because I'm in pms. And I have no doctor to
29(4) Do you also have an increase in corona virus in your place? We have a significant increase here but life goes on right now, but it is increasing every day.30(4) I woke up in the morning with a bad feeling. I'm mad at him. But the project is on hold for at least the next two weeks. And also I ignored him and I don't know how to fix it
July
MTWTFSS
  1(1) I started taking antibiotics for 28 hours. And the pains haven't passed yet. I don't know what that means. Does that mean the antibiotic is not working. And that needs to be replaced. I don't want
(1) Feels really low. Maybe it's a combination of pms and the side effects of the treat. But I feel alone. And I'm disappointed I gave the new guy all my time for five months.
2(4) I miss him. Today is a week we didn't talk. The project is on hold. But he wanted to keep it. He was inside. And I didn't answer him
(2) I feel stress. I feel fear. That the project will stop (not because of us) and I won't see him anymore. Because it will be so long before we can see each other. And it's not up to me.
(1) Again. I feel like he's meeting someone today. I want to let go. Right now. I don't want such a person in my life. I think he wasted my time and my project. And I think
3No Reasons4(4) Our conversations were deleted. Includes recordings. Pictures. And messages. Accidentally. And I decided to let go. All night I had dreams of him. I woke up every hour with him in my head.5(3) I feel I hurt him. That I ruined. I don't know why. I feel he is hurt by me. I just don't want to hurt him. I will never hurt him. I'm just a human being. And he's not clear to me.
(2) I feel so much pain in my body. I once couldn't wait a few days to see him. And now I have to wait until an unknown date. Or never. I can't deal with it.
6(2) It's as pms is over. And now I'm a completely different person. I don't hate him anymore, not angry at him. I'm angry at me if I hurt him. I just feel for him. And I'm no longer distance
(3) My friend, yesterday told me I shouldn't feel bad about what happened. That I was just fine. And I don't have to blame myself. She told me he wasn't behaving well. That he wasn't there. That he
7No Reasons8No Reasons9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons12No Reasons
13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons19No Reasons
20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons
27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31No Reasons