4.2 avg
  38 days
  91 hugs
  4 followers
January
MTWTFSS
 1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
April
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
May
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
June
MTWTFSS
     1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
July
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23(5) 24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29(7) 30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
August
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14(3) Heavy feeling. Want to be alone with my music at mo. Headphone sanctuary I don't think will turn out to be tho.15(5) I am labelling myself as better than I am when my partner's here. Wishful thinking. Fake it to make it. How many (more) years can that last. Just for today I keep skating.16(6) OK first time for weeks. Partner not here. Always the same. He is getting his own place now. This is good. I have hope.17(6) OK. Done a load of home tasks but dropped headphones in bath. So sometimes seems pointless. Karma /Fate chucks one back. So bit lower after earlier high dash round nervy. Still better than average me18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22(6) I'm so much freer happier now when my partner not here. He is much younger, not too well either and relishes burdening. I feel bad in that. Had night terrors too - get frightened on own. Using him?23(6) Heavy. Undergoing nightly self-hypnosis app.So powerful.stick with.Can't cancel withdrawal symptoms trying to 1/2 Seroquel overnight.To rid of zombieness.At least I accept after few days now.Learning?
(6) Stable at least.So long as I don't bang on and on vocally.Enough.Massive achievement underestimated by self for Manic Depressive 1.Too high expectations. Compromise half-way not perfection. Avoid OCD
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25(6) Thursday night wrote to self: 'I grow wary of leaving a tie-around-necklace cord on tonight. I think by that stage of the relationship one should really be thinking about leaving.' Feel bit safer now
26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(2) Very very low. Partner being aggressive shouting. Self-destruction thoughts coming to mind. He goes back home hopefully for 2 not just one night tonight. Why he's shouting. Doesn't want to. Can't bear28(2) Can't believe the political bullying atm. Seems local also to family and so all around me. Around us. So wearying and getting me down nagging away at the back of my mind perpetually. Sick of it.29(3) Dog next door won't stop barking. Starts every time left on own. Unbearable. Found builders' noise reduction earphones. Knew come in useful one day. Stopped momentarily. Out of energy? Know that one.
(3) Dog next door won't stop barking. Starts every time left on own. Unbearable. Found builders' noise reduction earphones. Knew come in useful one day. Stopped momentarily. Out of energy? Know that one.
30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
September
MTWTFSS
      1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
2(1) A Bailiff letter on council tax after I've made 3 payments in 2 months. They exhaust you deliberately into just not arguing anymore even when right. Aggression from my partner also. Can't fight longer3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5(5) My beloved partner passed of a heroin overdose 5 years ago today. Cried myself out banging music out Pink 'who knew' and over watching so many times. Stronger now. Upstairs lights gone out tho! Creepy6No Reasons7(6) Sweet. Made it a day after 5 yr anniv of partner's death. Maybe if he hadn't gone then I wouldn't be here either. I'd not have been able to resist. Maybe I can make it for both of us. Cleanish. Stable8No Reasons
9(1) Seems to be my turn today. Music to d_e to. Then I remember I can always write. Doc won't stop harassing me. Told her I don't want to see her. No one listens. ! Writing helps. It saves lives. Try it.10(3) Didn't sleep. Low inevitable effect of only me +headset for 24 hrs. But head seems clearer re eating min once a day. Not trying to fight seroquel to starve myself pre-seroquel skinny again. Bath too
(4) I meditate a lot. & maybe I play loud headset music when a realisation is coming through that is massive but painful. The thought realisation has come through last hour. Painful. But a relief. Needed
11(5) Today feel much healthier +more peaceful cos slept! Was supposed to get cat to vet this am but had to give up on it -hadn't slept 2 nights. Rebooking 4next week. All OK. Not fine; but OK. It's enough12(5) Slept. Well - again. Such a healer. Reborn feels. In 80's boom Employees were told they could get away with cutting it -we can't. To Me -It's greed on part of esp City Corporate Employers. I am enough
(6) Feeling stronger. Eaten 2 pies. Amazingly how much better eating can make you feel. As with sleep (in fact quantity over quality) it is our protein bones and we scorn it now as weak too much. 8-10 hrs
13(7) Feel like whole world crashing around me yet mind elevated even euphoric. This is worry of 'mixed states' Bipolar. I've caused v damage in these circs in past. The most. Calming as write, as declare.14No Reasons15(5) OK. Calm. Not sure how I feel otherwise. Back of mind think something should be bothering me. Coming up. Sometimes I don't know what going to write until do. Cathartic spontaneity. Opportunist. Best
16(4) My mother attacking@accusing me of stealing all her old fami photos.I've not seen them 20 yrs.she just doesn't stop.Sometimes wonder if pure Evil exists!? Still steady tho do tend to delayed reaction17(3) Care-coordinator home appt. Feel v lacklustre. Shitty even. Talked about past current events major circs/events as new one. Exhausted wearied. Not in fulfilled creative way. Brought stuff up? Trying.18No Reasons19No Reasons20(4) Anxious as big family stay over at brother's house tomorrow. Meditated /self-hypnosis literally all day yest. Stuff comes up more quickly but cathartic. Imagine light washing out mind too. Relaxing21No Reasons22No Reasons
23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26(2) Just feel shit when he's here.Knew that thro mood graph charts but in denial. Fear of loneliness, abandonment for him too -having only v abusive family.5 yrs of worry will do something stupid if I try27(5) The carehome where he is now insisted he be there 4 nights a week or eviction. I'm so relieved. I couldn't do it with the threats glaring and arguments. Now can buy food for me. Scared but confident28No Reasons29No Reasons
30(5) I am no longer in denial re extent to which my family have bullied2abandoned me throughout adulthood2. Suddenly now I'm stronger in life -they accept me all4big hugs.No.Where were they then. Soulless.
October
MTWTFSS
 1No Reasons2No Reasons3No Reasons4No Reasons5No Reasons6No Reasons
7No Reasons8(3) I think he's suddenly realised that if he's in any manner abusive he'll be here less because I need more time to recover from stress and the way mind closes up.He seems scared.Don't think he'll change9(3) Managed to get to dentist after a decade! 10 this am. Teeth in terrible state many having to come out. Dates back to a period some years ago when I'd stopped looking after myself. Bit depressed about10No Reasons11(5) I'm OK today. Not sure why. He's here watching footie downstairs.Just meditating so much could be anywhere. 'Compounding' is term for repetition of session? It works.don't think I'd be here without it12No Reasons13No Reasons
14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons19No Reasons20(2) Shit just shit. Told him to go. Unfortunately left door unlocked. Still here second night later. Too dangerous to tell him to go while he's drinking. Need to wait until he goes back home again ...
(2) Shit just shit. Told him to go. Unfortunately left door unlocked. Still here second night later. Too dangerous to tell him to go while he's drinking. Need to wait until he goes back home again ...
21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons
28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31(5) It's been 5 days since he left now. [he] Cried screamed+ threatened. I didn't think I could do it.Prouder than think family believe I'm intrinsically weak. He's still texting. Just keeping door locked
November
MTWTFSS
    1No Reasons2No Reasons3No Reasons
4(7) He's been gone 2 weeks. I feel normal alive again. I can relax. I'm not terrified confused disorientated +stressed. So good. I can focus on me. +spend my money on me +my 29 yr! daughter. Not just him.5(3) Head still a bit gone after ending abusive relationship- eg:thought I was in love again -with someoneelse! this am -! maybe I was wrong. Not sure requited!!? Mixed signals!Calmer headspace soon please6(3) So very very exhausted with feels like I'm fighting all the time.Then Adrenalin prevents me sleeping and I spiral upwards into a mainly manic mixed state. So bored of it.Family won't accept my Bipolar
(2) My ex threatened to come round anyway 2 nights ago when I stated I WOULD call police. And meant it. He didn't. I feel so sorry for him he has so little. Just praying doesn't damage himself. Praying.
7(3) Feeling shitty. Don't really know why. Exhausted and can't stop crying until eyes are sore. Unavoidable to feel emotional after ending a 5 yr relationship. Even if he was abusive.8No Reasons9No Reasons10No Reasons
11No Reasons12No Reasons13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons
18(1) Feel like s--t and terrified he's going to hurt himself or worse as in the past. I needed to end it he was abusive in every way. Emotional blackmail but self-knowledge not helping. 5 yrs a long time.19No Reasons20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons