January
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5(2) 6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
11(0) 12(2) 13(5) Rollercoaster day, today. Needed hours to get out of my bed, then a few more hours to get out of my flat, then a crazy run. My day was totally unproductive but I feel able to help myself again14(4) Trying to push myself for a run... Everything is complicated today15(6) Some good things, resisted the temptation of wine yesterday, push myself to run this afternoon. But still unable to put myself to work. One step at a time, I guess16(6) Finally able to do more than running and crash in my bed. Very nervous about all the work I delayed during depressive episode. I need to be strong.17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18(7) Got out of my bed at a sensible time for the first time in weeks! Time to go back to studies!
(8) Finally feeling the post running rush
(4) And now unable to focus... When will this end?
19(5) Ok, last week was 100% bad, yesterday 50% bad let's try to follow the 'positive' trend
(6) I can cope with today, I can cope with today, I can cope with today.
20(5) Nice waking up, then grumpy coffee... Let's make something from today
(6) Giving myself a pat on the back, because I did what I was supposed to do this morning. Husband made me a delicious lunch. Now let's smash the remaining half day
21(6) Manage to come up with a proper study plan yesterday. Let's try and stick to it
(7) Ok. My study was totally unrealistic( as usual), but I worked hard and was pretty focused. My brain is coming back to its normal condition.
22(7) Well rested, feeling optimistic about today23(7) Still late but focused on my study. And the pleasure to learn is coming back :)24(4) Weirdest panic attack this morning. I am just starting to study very late :(. Let's try and make the most from this afternoon.
25(5) New day, still late on my studies, still nervous but at least I don't feel miserable.26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(7) Catching up slowly but steadily on my late homeworks and classes. Determined to keep fighting. I finally completed an assignment ' in advance' and, while knackered, I feel alive.28(4) Another roller coaster day. Determined, then tired, stressed, discouraged, determined again, and then discouraged again. Back on coffee at 7 pm. Total mess, exhausted, inefficient.29(5) Ok. Rested, less nervous and a bit more optimistic than yesterday. Buckle up, Friday, here I come!
(8) I have no idea why I am in such a good mood, as I am still late on uni work and will have to make compromises. But the feeling of learning, acheiving things, although partly, make me cheerful
30(7) Still nerdily excited by my assignments :). A bit nervous because we are having a guest tonight and nothing is ready, yet...31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
1(4) Very anxious this morning :(
(6) Ok I am grumpy as hell, but dealing with it in a safe and healthy manner. So I am deciding it s a good thing and 'publicly' congratulate myself
2(5) Packing to leave London in a few weeks. Pretty sad about it. But not depressed so I guess it is ok...3(5) Depressed morning. Let's make something from this afternoon.4(5) Ok, managed to put a bit of study work and get some s.. done. Now I ll try and run out anxiety. Interval workout, here I come.
(7) Ran out anxiety... as well as the little energy I had left. Still it makes me cheerful. Feel period is coming, so still not pregnant after a year trying. Will be sad tomorrow, crying can always wait.
5(4) Unable to do anything today. First online meeting with my disertation supervisor in 30 and I can't feel anything...6(5) Still pretty useless but at least I am not to sad or anxious...7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8(3) This permanent roller coaster is exhausting! What the hell happened to nerdy and ambitious me?!9(5) A bit of gym and study work. Will have to request an extension or resit for one of the disciplines. Trying not to lose courage but it is hard10(5) Soooo low on energy :(11(5) Ok, let's try again
(6) Slowly getting somewhere.. don't know where exactly, but getting there XD
(4) Working sloooooowly and exhausted at 7 pm :(
12(4) Clumsy, messy, grumpy... Happy friday!13(7) Achieved some study goal and made pancakes14(8) Strangely happy
15(6) Rested. Things go to the right direction.16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22(5) Moving to France. A bit sad23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24(6) 3 days without cigarets. That is tough!25(1) Pathologically aloof...26(4) Still feeling down. Let's try and make something from today.27(6) Managed to focus and work well. Still no cigaret. It is still hard but less than yesterday. And hopefully harder than tomorrow :)28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
1(5) Let's make something from today2(6) Feeling quite relaxed after a good run. seven days cigaret free.3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(6) Feeling better but confused. Need to achieve something today5(7) Family day6(6) 7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8(6) Two weeks cigaret free. Ran 45 min. Not feeling cheerful, though. I need more achievement.9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10(5) I just loathe this feeling of not feeling. I should be crying or laughing hard. This whole day should have been emotionnal. But I just feel numb and it is awful11(6) Not much energy but feeling fine12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15(5)
(4) Grumpy. Regretting I have moved place, unhappy with my work, and super unhappy with myself globally. I'll have series and cookies and hope I'll feel different tomorrow.
16(4) Did nothing and feel tired :(17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(4) So so. Just fed up of feeling so so.20(2) Relapsed after 1 month cigaret free. So angry at myself.21(4) Starting to really worry about my mental health. Had a nice day, with friends, food, and fun. It just felt like a duty.
22(4) Openhearted and tough conversation with husband yesterday. I know these things are supposef to be useful but right now we're just both hurt and silent.
(4) Dealing with totally ordinary things made me sick with anxiety and depressed as hell. Back to cookies and series until tomorrow. Adressed some problem though. So I give myself a pat in a back.
(3) Just feel like giving up on everything and hiding in a hospital :(. So exhausted
23(7) Helped someone, today :)24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25(5) Exam today. Let's go
(6) Exam/assignment not going greatissimus but I am not crying ( yet)
26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(6) friends and food :)28(6)
(4) Mix of sad, numb,anxious and aloof... I would like to feel things. I miss feeling things
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30(5) Got up at a decent hour, resisting the urge to just go back to bed. Let's make something from today31(3) Can't get out of bed
April
MTWTFSS
   1(5) Out of bed at 9:20.2(5) 1, then 7, then 1, then 9, then 2... would be more accurate. This is exhausting3(6) Still emotional but I managed to focus. Starting to realise I probably cope with too many emotions by smoking and maybe I should seek help with addiction doctors instead of trying on my own...4(6) Struggled to get out of bed, struggling to get to work, but, hey, struggling means I am not giving up the fight :)
(5) My day was... well, a day.
5(4) Going for a run6(5) out of bed...
(7) Doing something unperfectly but on time is strangely satisfying.
7(4) Oh gosh, I need hours just to wake up!
(6) More or less an hour of exercise :)
8(4) Still exhausted for no reason :(
(3) Thoughts out of control, unable to focus, just feel like crying. The only good piece of news is I found a doctor. I'll meet her online tomorrow
9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10(5) Prescription issue is adressed. Spend the morning having fun with my nieces. I miss feeling things, though, and things become heavy for my husband.11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12(7) Hi fellow pandas. I know it is unhealthy but I worked 25 hours solid on an assignment, and I enjoy this sensation of accomplished exhaustion. Feeling pretty alive :) Also I m gonna nap my a..se out XD13(6) still anxious but helping someone and making plan. We sometimes forget how helping others can help ourselves too.
(6) I d say it was an 'ok' day. I still need to face the workload I have and plan it properly. But I am giving myself a little break
14(5)
(5) I miss having fun :(
(4) don't know why
15(5) low energy but I don't feel sad
(5) Still aloof. Couldn't get around to call the centre for psychotherapy. Low energy, starting to work on a proper diary and timetable
16(5) Stil trying to plan stuff
(5) Not enthusiastic but getting on top of things
(6) More enthusiastic and achieve some things :)
17(5) Woke up at a decent time. Let's try and have a good weekend
(6) Pissed off. Just want to isolate anywhere. At least I don't feel so depressed.
18(5) Found a therapist, beginning to have my brain back
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20(6) Not excited but focused.
(7) Knackered but happy. I f..g DID things!
21(6) still a mess, but a controlled one22(7) Felt good this morning. But suddenly tired :(
(7) Hey remember I got suddenly tired for no reason? I thought a big D.. was on its way. Well it is just the normal big P. For some reason, knowing why I hurt make hurting ok XD
23(5) So hard to be like this. I spend the evening with amazing friends I hadn't seen in a while and all I feel is fatigue. So discouraging24(6) Still in this weird state where I don't enjoy the most enjoyable things. But more combative than yesterday. I suppose I'll fake it til I make it.
(6) weird weird weird. But I try to remember this won't last forever.
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26(4) super anxious Monday. Worried about my sister, angry for strictly no reason.27(7) Exercise helped with anxiety. Meeting psychatrist tomorrow.
(6) Zoom class tonight. Got compliments. I know it is childish but compliments from teachers always sheer me up.
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May
MTWTFSS
     1(5)
(6) More motivated. Wouldn't say I feel cheerful though, but some achievement should come tomorrow.
(4) Insomnia coming :(
2(6) late, late, late! But not as late as I thought XD
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(5) Tough day, yesterday. Activating survival mode. Sleep ok, wake up ok. Had a fruit and water.
(5) At some point, a lady has needs. I need Netflix and my bed.
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(7) Tired, late on studies, but happy with this XD7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
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17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18(5) pfffffff!19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
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June
MTWTFSS
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