January
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
April
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14(6) 15(2) Not a good day. Woke up knowing it was supposed to be a hard work day, couldn't get started, cried, gave up, cocooned in the house all day.16(5) Hoping to finish yesterday's work today. I NEED to finish it today, so of course I'm procrastinating. Cleaned the house, did the dishes, about to do yoga. Maybe after a shower I will be able to start
(8) Did the thing! It wasn't as bad as I thought (as usual, haha), and I haven't perfected my work, but I did it! Now to try and not lose steam on a sunny Friday afternoon...
17(7) Enjoyed the sunshine, played Minecraft with my sister over beers at night :) Tomorrow will mean I have to work to make up for it, but I think it will be manageable...18(8) Session went well and had lots of fun socializing with a friend afterward, also had a decent amount of work to show for the meeting the next morning
(6) DM-ing DnD tonight, I think the session is ready! Now to spend an hour or two re-evaluating my research goals for the next year...hm...will update afterward
19(4) Supervisor meeting went well and I was feeling inspired for the future...but then it kind of fell flat. Couldn't shake this foreboding feeling, and although I got work done in the morning that's all20(2) Brain loop for about 3 hours, couldn't move from my spot and couldn't break it until my phone ran out of battery. Wtffff, I thought I had so many plans for today and I've already lost so much time21(3) Feels like I don't actually exist right now...like life is just happening through me, not to me. It's not that I feel like I want to die, more that trying anymore just doesn't seem to matter.22(2) Just had my 2nd therapy session, feeling less understood than I did last week though. Why is people's solution to 'I can't seem to do the thing', 'Then try harder' ? I don't know how I can try harder.
(5) Still feeling a bit dejected about not getting my therapist to understand me, but there's a deadline tonight so here we go...
23(7) Woke up early to give my friend a ride, but it was cancelled haha. We had coffee instead, earliest I've been up in months! Will I work today? Maybe not, but I think I can allow it.24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25(4) I did get some of my final exam done, though not all. I should feel proud that I've done half of the thing I've been avoiding for a week, but I feel nothing. Why be proud of procrastinating?
(5) Feeling oddly philosophical? Haha is this dangerous or good? Dang SMBC comics, making me think about the grand scheme of things...
26(5) Grey weather day, but I'm kind of digging it. Got laundry done AND some work - that is two things! Still working on feeling proud about it, though. It's so much more
(7) Finished my exam, though not to the point I'm proud of it. Just burned out. All the same, celebrated with my sister who has also finished her semester which was a nice break.
27(5) Meh kind of day. Realized I was dreading therapy so I cancelled it. Not sure if that is a good decision or not, but I'm not thinking too hard about anything today.28(3) Can not get started on anything. I'm just sitting here...
(5) Still feely kind of brain-foggy, but I think I'll be ready for the supervisor meeting later today. Lots on my mind other than that :/ Hard to keep track of it all
29(6) Research meeting was pretty good - a decent portion of the work I've done for it wasn't actually what they wanted, but I have a good head start on what to do next.30(6) Didn't solve my research problem, but I did at least work on it! I don't really mind being 'stupid', I just hate being 'lazy.' (Look at me putting quotes on those labels haha, that's improvement)
May
MTWTFSS
     1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(5) 5(6) Did some work yesterday, though as usual it means I'm burned out today. Hard to focus and I don't know if I'll be able to stay on track, but also trying to give myself peace and forgiveness.6(4) Weather is really bringing me down... Solved yesterday's research problem only to encounter a larger one. Bought a new videogame though - both feeling exciting and guilty about it hah
(3) I know I shouldn't let myself get trapped in these bla thoughts, but sometimes it just seems like I can never get ahead. Like all this energy is just to keep running in place. Is it, or am I crazy?
7(6) Fixed my code (I think) :) Always a surprise when that happens haha. Feeling this looming sense of apathy that I'm trying to avoid, though. Not sure what can be done about it however.8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11(1) Friend passed away. Don't know how to handle it.12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13(4) It's a day.14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15(6) Met up with DnD friends (mostly online), only told one of them (in person) about my friend's death. Was good to just enjoy life for a bit and be distracted, trying not to feel guilty about it
(3) Friend's death was revealed to be suicide. I had a bad feeling that it was, but no one closer to him thought it was 'that bad.' Remembering when I hid when I was 'that bad...'
16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18(5) What a world. Did some heavy reflecting on life/death and am feeling more stable today. Wishing love to my departed friend - Hunter, I hope you found the peace eluding you. I'm sorry you hurt so much.19(5) Debugging my code :/ Never enjoyed this kind of work, but it will be nice when I finally find the error!20(5) Finding it hard to return to a routine and to find a good mood again, but I guess it is something that I'm maintaining a base line?21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
24(4) This weird miasma of dread and paralysis continues :/ Everything has just been feeling 'off' for days now. Not sure if I'm sinking into another depressive episode or undergoing some sort of mental metamorphosis. Maybe it's just World News getting to me again.25(6) Hello Sun! I don't know if it was the catharsis of checking in with my research supervisors and realizing I'm not as crap as I think I am, or if the last few days' weird energy needed to just run its course, but I'm feeling like life is doable again. Go figure.26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(4) Feeling lots of chaotic and conflicting thoughts, hard to get a handle on myself. Wondering if I'll ever get access to a psychiatrist for ADHD, yet also scared that in the end it will be something else...or just me being a crappy person. How am I expected to help host a conference next week when I can't even seem to keep track of the time of day?? Agh. More frustrated than sad, helps my mood :/28(6) Comforting email from my supervisor that my research mistakes are normal. Also the sun is out - am I a houseplant, that I wilt in dismal weather?29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
31(6) Big day tomorrow with lots of important tasks and meetings. Hard to get my heart to stop pounding before I sleep, but I have managed to get to bed at a reasonable time! Also, my new vidja game is excellent! Literally gave me joy today.
(5) Wow how do people do mornings this is horrible
(3) Forgot to fill out the forms for the ADHD appointment I've been waiting on for 2 months. Now I have to wait another month. Should be funny, but I'm just so frustrated at myself
June
MTWTFSS
 1(4) Very worried about tomorrow. Too many responsibilities for an important occasion, I don't know if I'm up to the task.
(7) First conference session went well, no major mess ups yet to my surprise! 2 weeks still to go, but I think if I was going to ruin something now would have been the time, haha. Still a bit worried about my next research steps, but will just have to have some faith in myself. Lol.
2(2) Feeling really helpless in the face of all the world's problems
(5) Day 3 of early mornings, still hate them ha. Conference is going well enough, rather over my head. Makes me wonder if I'm on the right path, but perhaps I just have to expand my horizons. Still nervous about debugging my code.
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(4) Somehow lost a day this week? How is it Friday? I have so much to doooo5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(6) Filled out mental health forms with my mom, was a bit cathartic for me but rather painful for her. We drank really nice wine afterwards though, so all in all it was a good night :) Feeling a bit more put together today, I have to remember that emotions are fleeting and that the bad days can't last forever
7(3) I caaaaaan't fooooocccuuuuuuussss8(5) Lots of important tasks today, here we gooo
(6) Did the things - one was as bad as expected, but the other was better :) I really should try and find a new counsellor bc my self-worth is blinding me quite a bit...the last one made me feel like crap though, so it is hard to try again
9(7) It is a work-ethic day! Yay! Hoping to keep this going as long as I can maintain focus.10(3) Overdid it11(5) Feeling a bit more back on track, will be protesting in support for Fairy Creek & old-growth forests later. It's really hard for me to put myself in that kind of energy & mood, but I might feel even worse if I felt like I did nothing. #BetterStanding!12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
14(6) Got vaccinated yesterday! Oh my god I am so tired today though. Other than that and a slightly sore arm, all good. DnD last night was the best session yet, lots of laughs were had :)15(7) Had a minor research breakthrough after 5 weeks of getting nowhere! Slept really well! It is sunny out!16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17(6) Feeling a bit chaotic today, but no deadline for anything tomorrow so I'm not too stressed about it.18(6) 19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
21(6) 22(2) Crashed and burned23(4) Managed to wake up early to make up for some of the work I missed in my mini breakdown. Had to reschedule my supervisor meeting for today though and I'm really nervous about facing them.24(5) Working, with luck the hyperfixation will kick in!25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26(6) Struggling with a concept, which is annoying, but its going to be so good when I finally get it. Maybe another night's sleep will bring the answer in dreams...also it is very hot.27(6) Hot summer days, but a bit better with good music playing while I slowly work :)
28(7) Escaped the heat in my sister's basement apartment and ate pizza :)29(6) The heat has finally died down! Feeling pretty unsettled about the effects of climate change on extreme weather events, but here we goooo.30(3) Was yelled at by my neighbour for playing music too loudly last night :/ feeling pretty bad about it still. She was kind of mean, to be honest, I don't think I could treat someone else that way. It was only a few minutes after 'quiet hours' at 10pm, but I was shocked how my normally shy and calm neighbour was so angry. Maybe she has something else on her mind, but now I just don't want to see her.
July
MTWTFSS
   1(8) Fun with out of town friends :)
(5) Still feeling a bit off, but I have friends in town to hang out with so hopefully they will pull me out of it!
2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(5)
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(4) Executive functioning? Never heard of her
(5) Supervisor meeting today was so/so, but I do have a good amount of things to work on this week that at least don't seem too stressful
7(9) Celebrated my birthday with friends - in person friends for the first time in so long!! I think it was the most fun I had all year.8(2) Post-bday hangover was really bad, lmao. I can only laugh now because I'm updating this days later, but tbh at the time I felt really guilty and down about it. In the end though, it was a silly mistake of overdoing it and still...worth it for that one night! Ha!9(5) Still a bit of recovery mode. Should be working, but am not.10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11(5) Struggling with getting myself back together into a routine. I think there is something more routine about my struggles with it than there is about my schedule itself? Meta...
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13(4) Wow I really did nothing between last supervisor meeting and this one. Time to disappoint the sup's again...sorry, guys. Sorry, me.14(6) Didn't wake up on time, but did do a bit of work :) Might even do laundry, look at me conducting more than one task a day!15(6) Had brunch with a friend, did some work, had my overdue supervisor meeting. All is ok.16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17(7) Dinner with the moms18(5) DnD tonight and I haven't prepped the session yet...but I will?
19(6) Past few days I've been feeling pretty manic and overly energetic, with over the top emotions. I think I've mostly calmed back down again now, and dudes, as much fun as that can be it's so nice to BREATHE again. Phew. Exhausting.20(5) 21(4) Feeling vaguely uneasy today22(6) Yoink, back to normal again! Brunch with friend helped start the day off, I think we'll make this a weekly event. Heavy conversation about her toxic family, I'm so impressed and proud of her for where she is today, but its just so sad and unfair that good people get taken advantage of. Especially when it is by their own family/parents. Glad we are friends now though <3 support through found fams!23(6) 24No Reasons25(6)
26(5) 27(6) 28No Reasons29(6) Managed to hyperfixate on actual work today and got a good amount of research done, which is always nice! Unfortunately it also means I forgot to eat/drink/shower/bathroom/walk...all those things that humans need to do when they aren't being a machine. Sigh. Time to unclench my jaw, breathe, and ease out of the mania. Kinda want to see how long I can go for at the same time, though30No Reasons31(7) Started my motorcycle course, it was a lot more difficult and physically exhausting than I thought! 8hrs is a long time, too, but I've got to do it tomorrow as well. It's so rare that I 'do a thing' for such a long amount of time, I'm exhausted but a bit proud :)
August
MTWTFSS
      1(8) My hands were so stiff and sore that I ended up not doing my road test today, but the instructor said it would be fine if I just took it in a few days. We all rode out on our motorcycles downtown and to the ocean, really cool that in just 2 days I now know how to do that! Proud of myself, which is pretty rare :D And then I topped the day off with DnD and possibly a bit too much beer. Nice day :P
2(5) I need to get this work done but its a holiday here and I'm just so tired. I might just end up waking up early tomorrow :/ Ah, me. I'll try not to punish myself too badly, but y'know...3(7) Ohh I downloaded the Sims again....what a glorious way to spend time ? I did in fact wake up early to get my work done beforehand though, so all is well. One of my sup's in my meeting found the error I was looking for in my code - a single dang parentheses! Classic.4(5) My staycation at my parents was cancelled as they came home early :( no baths for me
(7) Settling down to do some work now, and hoping to plan the last of summer's festivities later. Currently having a bit of a Staycation at my parent's fancy house while they are out of town. Bathtubs!! A Backyard!! A full fridge!! Ahh its the little things sometimes <3
5(6) Hoping to go 'out on the town' today! All the tourists are back to visiting my city, so I might as well stop being a recluse as well. I feel like I've got a bit of crowd anxiety from all this covid-ing...6No Reasons7(4) Feeling wonky and ill-at-ease, not sure why8No Reasons
9(4) Gotta do all the things NOW. But also...do nothing?10(5) Busy day ahead today11(7) Had a wee manic day, kind of bummed at the end though because I started to get into my work and then it all went crazy in the other direction12(4) Wore myself out yesterday13(4) Can't focus14(3) Oooooh its a mean hangover. I did have plenty of fun with my friend at the bar, though. Hard to regret time out in 'these trying times,' despite how I feel now.15(7) Passed my motorcycle road test with flying colours :) I was really nervous, too
16(5) Rainy day is kind of a Mood rn, but I need to get work doneeee17(6) Busy busy day today, but should be doable and a bit fun towards the end!18No Reasons19(10) So...I finally got my official ADHD diagnosis after nearly 6 months. And about 30 minutes later got an email saying I won an award for my grad research that I was recommended for (and didn't even apply for myself)!? Imposter syndrome is going absolutely bonkers right now, but I'm just trying to let it all process and accept that something good has happened :) Much love to all my other pandas!20No Reasons21No Reasons22(6) Nice day outside, yesterday I couldn't manage to quite get out there but maybe today I will!
23(6) Sometimes I really do find myself believing in the whole, 'we are here to just look, experience, and think about interesting things and learn how to express love and then we die' theory. When I do, I am much happier about my life and the chaos of how I live. Wish I could keep it up rather than blaming myself for not solving world problems, lolz.24No Reasons25(5) 26(4) 27(3) Frustrated & anxious, not entirely sure why
(5)
28No Reasons29No Reasons
30(3) I'd never quite considered how I'd feel about actually getting an ADHD diagnosis, and now that it's happened I'm a lot more torn up about it than expected. I guess I really did think I was faking it to make up for laziness, before. It feels really isolating and my family doesn't seem to think its a big deal. Maybe it shouldn't be, idk. Supes grateful for r/ADHD and this website for comfort!31(5)